S1E2: What IS the story of the Mothman? with Special Guest Comedian Kristin Key

Jennifer 0:05
Hey what up what up guys welcome to The Unofficial Official Story. I'm Jennifer, I'm the curious one.

Dwayne 0:11
Hey listeners, I'm Dwayne, the funny cynic.

Koji 0:14

And yo yo yo, I'm Koji, the expert in quotes.

Jennifer 0:19
Yes thank you for listening guys. This is a podcast where we tell you the official story. We're going to take a look at the paranormal, conspiracies, unexplained phenomena, cryptids and even true crime.

Dwayne 0:30
In this episode, we're taking a look at the cryptid Mothman, and we're asking the question was the Mothman the harbinger of the Silver Bridge collapse.

Koji 0:37

And by the end we'll tell you what, really, maybe happened.

Jennifer 0:41
But first, this week we have our very first guest ever comedian, Kristen Key.

Dwayne 0:48
She's a good friend of mine, a 20 year nationally touring musical comedian. She was on NBC’s Bring the Funny and Last Comic Standing and hosts the comedy podcast, Kristen Knows Blank, which, if you don't listen to already, what are you waiting for. Kristin, what's up, how are you.

Kristin 1:05
I'm wonderful. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so curious as to what's going on.

Dwayne 1:11
So tell us more about, about your podcast and just, what do you have going on in general.

Kristin 1:15
Oh man, I love it...so my podcast I bring a comedian friend on every week and I ask them before the show what’s something they're super into or they could be considered an expert on, and then we use that as a topic for the show to discuss for a little bit. I ask them five quick trivia questions on their topic of expertise and then we play a RAD-lib at the end which is just like a Mad Lib but I write it specifically for them. And I don't want to get sued by Mad Libs, and it's super fun.

Koji 1:38
Why don't you tell us a little bit about how you got into comedy.

Kristin 1:40
Oh yeah, sure. So I started comedy when I was 19 in a small West Texas town called Amarillo; town not known for its comedy. I'm a preacher's kid. I came out of the closet when I was 16, it did not go well so I really didn't have anything to lose. And I was kind of looking for something to live for, not to bring it down, but yeah I was I was super depressed, you know, kind of on the verge of suicide. And a comedy club opened up and I was like, well, I'll try it and then I had this whole like motivation to, you know, not just like keep going but like to achieve something. And that gave me motivation to like get out of my small town and like you know I started traveling. I got on Last Comic Standing when I was in my 20s, and then kind of never looked back. And it really did I think saved, kind of, saved my life. And especially as a young gay kid that didn't have an accepting community, it gave me, kind of gave me a voice when I didn't have one. So that's how, that’s how I got started in this this whole crazy business that...so I think it turned out better for me than I would have expected.

Dwayne 2:39

Nice. And I imagine Texas has come a long way since you were 19, everything is bigger in Texas...is also the homophobia bigger.

Kristen 2:48
Has it come a long way, I don't know, I haven't, I don't go back as often or as frequently. But, and it has and it hasn't, there's, it's like there's bubbles all over the country. And so I really enjoyed the coastal bubble where it's kind of like a whatever scene. You know it's like whatever someone walks by, you know, with their boobs out and blue hair you're like whatever, but also you know there's someone on the side of the road, bleeding you’re like whatever. And in Texas, I think people are a lot more in each others’ business you know; people are very reactive to the different, so it's always like what's going on with that. Are you a girl or a boy, why don't you dress like a girl and it's kind of aggressively nosy, disguised as politeness. And that's not to say I don't want to generalize every Texan like that or every Southerner like that...it's, there's some really really really nice people. There's some great supportive gay communities, but I've also had experience with the very awful, too, so.

Dwayne 3:37
Absolutely. Now, I think about you in Texas, me in Brooklyn, anyone anywhere. And I feel like nothing brings people together than a scary flying creature.

Jennifer 3:54
Alright, well, what do you guys think, should we get into it.

Koji 3:56
Yeah, let's get into it.

Dwayne 3:57

Let’s do it.

Jennifer 3:58
Before we start, I just want to mention that for background, we watched the documentary on Amazon Prime, called Mothman Point Pleasant. It's a nice little doc only an hour long and it gives you all the facts or a lot of the facts that we are working with today so we highly suggest you check it out if you're interested in the Mothman. And here we go with some facts. 1966 is the date we are talking about here, first sighting ever of the Mothman as we know it. Location, West Virginia, and despite the name guys the Mothman does not look like a moth. In fact, it is said that it looks more like a giant owl. Mothman is 7 feet tall, 10 foot wingspan, glowing red eyes and has been described as having a dark colorization some say brown, some say black, some say gray. So when looking at the Mothman people say there is an overwhelming sense of evil and dread and some have even suffered distress for many months or years after.

Koji 5:02
Five gravediggers in Clendenin… I don't know is that’s how you say it.

Dwayne 5:07

I think that's good.

Koji 5:08

I don't speak West Virginian, I apologize for all my West Virginian friends and fans. I don't think I have any of them but if I did, my apologies. Looked up and saw a wingman like creature, which they called the brown human being which, Dwayne, that feels racist. I mean, you know, first of all, wouldn't it be like African American wing creature or...

Dwayne 5:27

It sounds like Teen Wolf to me.

Koji 5:30

Okay, and then it was moving from tree to tree. A few days later, three days to be exact, two young couples there Roger and Linda Scarberry, Steve and Mary Mallette from Point Pleasant, West Virginia reported being chased by a large creature. Very scary stuff here. Here are some of the quotes from the four eyewitnesses from the Point Pleasant Register on November 16, 1966. I'm going to do the voices okay, you guys ready. I'm not I'm not a comedian, I'm not an actor. I'm just a normal human being because yeah I play one on a podcast. It was a bird or something, it definitely wasn't a flying saucer. Or here's another one and this is gonna be my female voice ready. It was like a man with wings. It wasn't like anything you'd see on TV or in a monster movie.

Dwayne 6:17

That was a woman or small child?

Koji 6:20

That was a person.

Dwayne 6:21

Okay, go ahead.

Koji 6:22

Well we don't do genders around here. Okay. And the last one, I'm a hard guy to scare, but last night I was for getting out of there.

Dwayne 6:30

Very nice. Very nice.

Koji 6:32

Wait where's my, where's my SAG card.

Dwayne 6:35

I'm thinking you're gonna go to Groundlings like mainstage, just skip everything else, just go right to the... Anyway, now according to that same Point Pleasant Register article, the creature chased them while driving near former military munitions site, always a military site. It is said that it flew very fast, 100 miles per hour, which is outrageous. There were eight other sightings reporting in the next three days, including Newell Partridge, who saw an unusual pattern on his TV, and then heard a strange noise outside his house. He went outside to investigate it and saw two red eyes staring back at him. Newell’s dog eventually went missing. It had been suggested that the Mothman took the pet.

Koji 7:19

They always blame the people of color for anything going on.

Dwayne 7:23

Yeah right, well that's why they bring pets into Starbucks now. The Mothman is gonna steal your dog, if you tie it to a chair outside. For the next year, there were over 100 sightings of the Mothman, but the sightings stopped on December 15, 1967 when the Silver Bridge, which carried US Route 35 over the Ohio River fell, killing 46 people. In the book Mothman Prophecies writer John Keel believed that the sightings and the bridge collapse, were connected. In other words, he argued that the Mothman foretold of bad omens.

Koji 7:58

And here are some factoids. Many believe that the Mothman lived in an abandoned nuclear power plant in the area they use to conduct military testing. Because of this some have speculated Mothman was a failed government experiment. Many of the Mothman witnesses were allegedly harassed by Men in Black not Will Smith or, who was the other guy?

Dwayne 8:17

Tommy Lee.

Koji 8:18

Tommy Lee yeah. They weren't the ones that were bothering them. That's why some believe the Mothman is connected to UFOs and aliens. Some believe also that the Mothman are angels.

Dwayne 8:27

Now, in addition to that, another theory. There was a professor Robert L. Smith, he was a professor at West Virginia University, and he believes Mothman is most likely a sandhill crane, which could be as tall as a man that has red eyes. If you Google picture of sandhill crane, then you'll understand that Robert L. Smith was being paid by someone. It's laughable. Anyway, in addition to West Virginia, Mothman has been spotted in Germany before a mine collapsed, apparently. Moscow, before Chernobyl, even though that one is disputed. Japan before the tsunami. In New York, before 9/11 they say in New York. And in Minnesota before a bridge collapse, and more recently in Chicago--I don't know if the tragedies happened yet though.

Koji 9:13

No, it hasn't happened yet, but it's gonna happen, it’s just around the corner.

Dwayne 9:16

He was seen in Chicago, right before the Cubs won the World Series. There is a Mothman festival, a Mothman Museum and Research Center, and a statue of the Mothman in Mount Pleasant, West Virginia. Question is, was the Mothman the harbinger of the Silver Bridge collapse.

Koji 9:35

Now that we have the facts, we'll take a quick break and when we come back, we'll tell you what we think may have actually really happened.

Jennifer 9:44
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Dwayne 9:53
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Koji 10:05

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Jennifer 10:15
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Jennifer 10:27

Now that we've discussed the facts. Let's workshop our ideas.

Dwayne 10:31
Okay, here's my theory, and let's back it up. Let me say this, I live in Los Angeles, California, and I frequent Starbucks, okay. It's not as ubiquitous as New York, but there’s a Starbucks everywhere, right, you can throw a rock at a Starbucks. And what I find is some Starbucks, just have more quote unquote crazy people in them. Like the Chinatown Starbucks is like outrageous, but the Little Tokyo Starbucks, it's not that bad. And they're very close. So, what I'm getting at, is there’s energy. There’s energies around these Starbucks, and this energy creates, like attracts, certain kinds of energy, attracts these people. My theory around the whole thing, mainly is dimensional. And I think, West Virginia has energy that before the Europeans came, the natives, they didn't mess with West Virginia like that. They went in, but they didn't live there. There weren't states, but the area that we call West Virginia, they were like… Because they sensed this thing, they sense this, either the Mothman or just the energy in general. So I believe that area in West Virginia is a portal to another dimension. Think Stranger Things, think, Man in the High Castle. These things, people don't just pull this out of thin air, these come from somewhere, these, these kinds of concepts. So, around this time, a portal opened, and people started seeing this. Then immediately the Men in Black come, we think of them only as aliens but they take care of portals too. They take anything that kind of like can uproot, like, everything we think the government or some people are going to step in. So I think a lot of people saw it, I think it took physical form, but some say it's, it was just energy, It's hard, it's beyond our grasp because it was definitely in a different, it's coming from another dimension. And I think that factory, that munition site was where the portal was, and before the government could step in and lock up that portal, this guy got out. Too many people saw it and I think whether he was warning about the bridge collapsing, I think that anything, that's, when you build things in these sort of areas where energy collides, be it magnetic. Yeah cause there’s waves. Like I'm using WiFi right now, that's a wave right. There’s constant waves, there’s energies. So, the bridge, maybe he was warning us about the bridge, but I think also that bridge was in an area where malfunction was prone to happen because the energies from this other dimension like, that portal creates more energy. Which is why the light broke, because the light broke on the bridge, which allowed there to be too many cars on the bridge at once, and it was an old bridge. So, like, I don't know, when I go to auditions, and like people's phones aren't working, this is a very LA thing, people go, Mars is in retrograde. You know, I don't know if you've heard that, I don't know exactly what it means, but I think it's our understanding of like the energies around us, and that's it.

Koji 13:36

Okay, so my theory is much simpler.

Dwayne 13:41

Is it though?

Koji 13:42

It’s much simpler.

Dwayne 13:43

Kristen, listen to this and tell me if it's much simpler.

Koji 13:48

Okay. Bigfoot is the Mothman. Okay, so Bigfoot was upset that nobody was paying attention to him, so he thought he needed to do a makeover. And his makeover was I'm going to do another cryptid which is the Mothman. So he built these wings, and he started flying around, and that's why he's flying around all this time. And then what happened, coincidentally enough, he thought they had to build to something. He knew Syd Field before Syd Field. He knew the three act structure and he knew there had to be a climax moment. Right. And so he built in the bridge falling, and so he personally unscrewed all the top parts of it to make it all collapse.

Kristen 14:23
Obviously, he’s got great dexterity to unscrew all those bolts under the bridge, so he's evolving, yeah.

Koji 14:31
But he didn't realize that that was the worst thing he could have done because it ruined, nobody wanted to talk about the Mothman after. And so, or Bigfoot right, really Bigfoot is what we're really talking about here. So then that's why it took a couple years after that, we'll go continue on for a little, a couple of years after that he, that's why he starred a couple years later in the Patterson-Gimlin movie in 1972. That's the one where we see the Bigfoot walking across in the video, the really blurry video. That was his next attempt, but this was his first attempt to start getting PR and publicity.

Dwayne 15:03

So you're saying, Bigfoot mastered deep fake technology in the late 60s, to pretend to be this Mothman person.

Koji 15:12

Yes, yes.

Dwayne 15:13

Is everything Bigfoot, like did Bigfoot steal my, my Amazon package last week.

Koji 15:20

Maybe, maybe, everything is Bigfoot.

Kristin 15:22
Like Cher, just keeps reinventing himself.

Dwayne 15:25

Right.

Jennifer 15:26
I mean I just have to say how impressed I am at what an intelligent being he is, I never knew he was such an intellectual. So savvy.

Koji 15:35

Jennifer, why don't you tell us your theory.

Jennifer 15:37

So funny. Okay, Koji’s is like the funny one. Okay, mine is just a little more sexual. So I just had decided that the Mothman came about because there was a local barred owl, barred owl is a species in that McClintock Wildlife Management Area where the TNT facility was, okay, got the owl. And there was a flock of sandhill cranes around 1965 one hot summer night you know, the year before the first Mothman sighting you know they're coming through and they kind of got lost in migration, their migratory path. And so they stopped over in this wetland you know this West Virginian area that happened to also be, you know, an abandoned TNT storage bunker from World War Two. So what happened was, we're having a menage a trois that sort of happened between the barred owl, sandhill crane, and the leakage from the toxic storage bunker. So what happened was, is that the owl was one night, this is the year before all the sightings, the owl’s like flying in. He thinks he sees a rodent, it's nighttime you know they're nocturnal, and he accidentally just lands in a puddle of toxic gunpowder laden water. There's also happens to be one of the sandhill cranes, a lowly one who’s kind of maybe possibly a little horny, he was also drinking from that little toxin of poison, and they're both drinking the hallucinatory stuff and they get high, and they mate. And so the Mothman was born from the owl and the crane so it's like kind of this mixed half breed crossbreed cryptid. And that's what scared the Point Pleasant locals left and right. And the reason why the bridge collapsed now, Kristin and guys, is because people were so tired and scared and freaked out and so much, you know, sightings and nightmares for the past year from 1966 to 1967,that by the time the holidays came around that December 15 the night of the collapse, there was too many cars on the bridge. Because they were all trying to get out of town, because they were all so disturbed, and that's why the bridge collapsed. So yes the Mothman did cause it in a way indirectly because he put the town in a tiffy.

Dwayne 18:03
Right right right. The bridge was more occupied than normal because everyone was coming from the--

Jennifer 18:08
Trying to get out of this.

Dwayne 18:09
So did the owl give it to the sandhill crane or vice versa, just wondering.

Koji 18:15

Yeah who's the catcher.

Kristin 18:16
Well I mean if this is a menage a trois, how did the liquid get… I mean, I don't want to tell you how sex works, but when I'm picturing it, now the liquid like has appendages. So, it ceases to be, is it still a liquid state if it's sexual, like...

Jennifer 18:34
I see, it just, yeah maybe it like clings on, it clings on to body parts.

Kristin 18:40
Because other than that, your theory was like, yes, this is factual, but then there was like the sexual liquid I was like...or is it.

Jennifer 18:49
There's a hole in this story here, yeah, so it may be not quite a menage a trois. Maybe it was just one on one, menage a deux. And the poisonous water just kind of made them, mate, which they normally wouldn’t want to.

Kristin 19:07
A little bit, a little bit of each of these stories, I mean not Koji’s, a little bit of all these stories kind of mixed together. Because, like, what Dwayne was saying about the energies, yes like this is, like a crazy part of America. They have the weird whites from West Virginia, this is, but is it crazy because they're crazy or did something there, make them all crazy. And so, like when I read that it could fly 100 miles an hour, nobody had, you don't have a radar gun. You’re scared, it's night, you see a bird, I'm scared of all birds, and to me they all fly 60 miles an hour. They don't, they don't. But when you see something big you amplify it so maybe it was just like, like a owl, you know, a owl. I think we could all agree it was not a sandhill crane because I saw that picture too and I was like, pass. Bigfoot drag queen owl. But what if it was like, human beings, you know, there was like Andre the Giant, and he's still a human being. But he’s like seven feet tall and very strange looking and you wouldn't look at him like if you were an alien that came to like the earth, and saw Andre the Giant you wouldn't say that's a human. You'd say that's a something else. So what if this is like the Andre the Giant of owls, and people are like it’s Mothman and the owl’s like, I'm just big for my species.

Dwayne 20:20
But here's the thing, reports said that it could fly without flapping its wings, like it would literally just go, and then just... That’s energy, that’s energy, baby.

Kristin 20:31
I mean I convinced a lot of people in my school that I had magic for a while. I think that some things start, is like someone saw it and then someone else is like yeah I saw it too. And you’re like really, when, and you’re like, bout the same time they did. Like, people like to be involved with a story like this. So, I mean how do you fly without flapping your wings, even if it is like a mutant owl, or a dimensional, like a demon, even demons would be like we all flap our wings.

Koji 20:56
Or it’s a jet pack that Bigfoot has, okay.

Kristin 21:06
Fueled by pure TNT.

Jennifer 21:09
Exactly.

Koji 21:10
No it's fueled by Christmas spirit.

Dwayne 21:12

Yeah, right. But what's interesting too is that we described it as being evil, but half the people that I saw when they gave their testimonials, it was a projection of what they had going on. And when they saw it, because some people were like, it was just trying to get my attention, and other people were like, that thing was the devil. I looked into its face, and I saw the devil. So it's what they had going on. And if you saw it in the daytime, you were like, oh this is just a little owl thing it's no problem. But if you saw it at night, and it woke you up out of your sleep you were like ahhh!

Kristin 21:47
If Jennifer saw it she'd be like, it thought I looked good, it wanted to get with me, it was like girl you’re fly.

Koji 21:54
Kristin do you have a theory. Do you have any theories of your own that you want to express.

Kristin 21:59
Oh, yeah, I mean I like the idea of the, I like the idea of it being like a government experiment gone wrong. It's big, it's like, what's big that has feathers, Caroll Spinney played Big Bird, so maybe Caroll Spinney was in West Virginia, you know in costume, doing a showing. Maybe something went wrong, Caroll Spinney wanders into the wrong government facility, and they're all like not today, Big Bird. Or maybe he stepped in that menage a trois puddle of government experiment and suddenly now, and now they have to like, fake Carroll Spinney. You know like, we got to get someone. I'm gonna go with either six feet tall with feathers, either drag queen or Carroll Spinney, government experiment gone wrong, or a lot of people on drugs with psychological problems that saw a giant owl.

Jennifer 22:46
Hey it was the TNT leakage, is getting in the water, it was like Flint, Flint from the 60s situation you know.

Kristin 22:57
Does TNT leak.

Dwayne 22:59
No TNT was just the name of the area. It wasn't like...

Kristin 23:03
Oh so it wasn't like, it wasn't like dynamite.

Jennifer 23:07
It was it was I thought, oh that was the name of it.

Dwayne 23:09
I'm sure they had dynamite, but they had a bunch of stuff.

Jennifer 23:12
They had a bunch of stuff, yeah it was like they made like ammunition.

Kristin 23:16

It was a hot sauce factory.

Dwayne 23:17

It was an ammunitions place.

Jennifer 23:18

Okay, so maybe dynamite.

Dwayne 23:19
Maybe, and Sesame Street started in 1969. So the timeline works. Leave West Virginia, teach kids how to read, take the operation up to New York. We’ll paint you yellow, you know.

Kristin 23:36
Yeah, and now we just need to see like, like track Carroll Spinney’s movements throughout the 60s, 70s and see… Oh my god, he was there, through every natural disaster like a week before. You’re like Carroll Spinney signed my t-shirt and then 9-11.

Koji 23:55
Alright well we have to pick, we have to pick a story for it to become our official story. The official story that all of history will forever, will forever go with, okay, so this is an important decision. Which story do we want to go with, I'm going to push for Bigfoot because obviously we, I know it's Bigfoot personally. I feel 100% like, like I'm gonna die with this but I'd love to hear it. I do like Big, I like Big Bird too.

Jennifer 24:17

I like Big Bird.

Kristin 24:19
I'm gonna vote for the menage a trois of a crane and owl and some goo.

Jennifer 24:23

Yay.

Kristin 24:26
Yeah I’m going to go with menage a goo.

Dwayne 24:27
Now we can combine the theories too. We got the menage a trois in goo. We got Big Bird or the person who played Big Bird.

Kristin 24:37
Carroll Spinney yeah its Big Bird.

Jennifer 24:39
Walked in there right, she walked in there and then got transformed, and then so Big Bird out in the world was the...

Dwayne 24:48
Is that, is that it Kristin is it, is it that the lady who played Big Bird...

Kristin 24:52
It's a guy Carroll Spinney was a guy. Very very tall, feathered. I mean only feathered in costume, but I'm just assuming it was a, it was a Carroll Spinney accident with the goo. So it was like it was, it was kind of a combination of yeah goo.

Dwayne 25:04
You know why the big thing, the Big Bird thing kind of works too, and we got Bigfoot too, the Big Bird thing works because then, Big Bird, had an imaginary friend called Mr. Snuffleupagus. And that was like, his way of explaining when you see something, and no one else sees it, and he got the idea from the Mothman. I don’t know. Let’s workshop it.

Jennifer 25:28

Wait was Snuffle...Snuffleupagus an imaginary friend.

Koji 25:33

Yes.

Dwayne 25:34
He was in the first few seasons, and then they let other people see him. But only Big Bird saw him originally, even though he was literally bigger than a bus.

Jennifer 25:43
So he got the idea from Bigfoot and from his experience with this whole...

Koji 25:48
Not Bigfoot. Mothman.

Jennifer 25:50

Mothman.

Kristin 25:51
Or did Carroll Spinney come through a portal to West Virginia. And then have a menage a trois with an owl...and some unidentified liquid.

Koji 26:06
That was the love child--was the Mothman.

Dwayne 26:09

Actually, I don't hate that idea, I don't hate this one.

Jennifer 26:13
Okay, so the Mothman is the love child of Carroll Spinney, with the owl...

Koji 26:18
The owl, and goo.

Dwayne 26:21
And the crane was there.

Kristin 26:23

And the crane...

Jennifer 26:24

Was watching.

Dwayne 26:25

Rooting on.

Jennifer 26:30
That is just so weird. Well, I mean, the crane thing keeps popping up so they had to have been there, he had to have been there. Everyone loves talking about the crane.

Koji 26:39
Okay, so I feel like we have an official story now. It's a little convoluted but…

Dwayne 26:43

Can you, can you sort of state it again for the listeners. And for me.

Koji 26:49

Okay so the person who plays or played Big Bird came out of a portal into West Virginia. Hooked up with an owl. In the middle of the goo which is toxic, radioactive goo. And then the wait...what happened after that. The crane was watching. And then the love child was the Mothman.

Dwayne 27:14

Yes. We’ll take our last break and when we return, we're going to try something new. Stay tuned.

Dwayne 27:23

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Koji 27:34

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Jennifer 27:52
All right my listeners, this month, instead of the writers’ room, we are actually going to dive into a little improv. That's right. Each of the hosts and our guests, we're going to take on a role like embody the character voice and all and flesh out the story live before you.

Koji 28:10
Okay so we're going to need to figure out who is who. Kristen since you're our guest, you can choose one of four characters. So the four characters in our story are going to be the sexual goo, the crane, the owl and Big Bird coming through the portal, so.

Dwayne 28:30

Okay, now I'll be the owl.

Koji 28:32

No, no Kristin’s first come on.

Dwayne 28:33

Oh I’m sorry. Because she said, I know she says who she wanted to be. That's why I'm sorry.

Kristin 28:37
Oh, I would like Dwayne to be the owl, for sure. Oh yeah, yeah, I'd like to either be the goo or the crane, like I don't really have a, like flip a coin on that one.

Koji 28:47
What do you want her to be Dwayne.

Dwayne 28:50

The goo.

Koji 28:51

Okay so Kristin, Kristin’s the sexual goo. This is why you wanted to become an actor, right and this is, this is the moment.

Kristin 29:01

It’s going on my resume.

Koji 29:02

And then Dwayne you wanted to be the owl.

Dwayne 29:04

It’s so stupid, I really want to be the crane, but I only want to be the owl for literally one joke, so I'll be the owl.

Koji 29:10

Okay, and then, Jennifer, what do you want to be.

Jennifer 29:13
So you’re the owl. I guess I’ll be the crane.

Koji 29:16
Okay I'm Big Bird. Okay, so ready guys I'll start it because I'm Big Bird.

Dwayne 29:22

So we got the who, the where is the portal which is the factory.

Koji 29:30

And then Mothman comes out of our love child, okay, out of this experiment. Okay, so ready guys, this is this is, we're gonna go for it. Okay, I'm Big Bird. I walking through the portal. Oh my god where am I.

Dwayne 29:45

This is the munition site right here. I'm just partaking of this sexual goo, would you like some.

Kristin 29:57
What's up, I'm, I'm kind of liquid, I’m mostly ecstasy, but I am 100% down for some sexual good times.

Koji 30:04
Why are you climbing all over me sexual goo.

Dwayne 30:08

Don't fight it bird.

Kristin 30:09
Oh, that's what I do to everybody.

Jennifer 30:14
Did someone, did someone say sex?

Dwayne 30:19

Oh you know it crane.

Kristin 30:21

That's my middle name.

Dwayne 30:23
We bought to have a menage up in here. Big Bird. Come on, hop in this goo with me and crane.

Kristin 30:33

Yeah, the more the merrier.

Koji 30:34

Wait are we going to get married? Because you know I don't just hook up with anybody, the first owl I see right.

Dwayne 30:38

Oh bird, just take the goo.

Jennifer 30:43
You make a cute couple.

Dwayne 30:47
Come over here, girl. Crane and bird. Who’s is it, who’s is it.

Koji 30:54

Goo, wait can have a sidebar with the goo. Goo I want, I want to be a little bit bigger. This is a little awkward. I don't want to do it in front of the owl here but can you make my lower appendage a little bit bigger, because you know.

Kristin 31:08
Oh yeah, I'm magic. I'm magic sex goo, I got ecstasy and Viagra flowing through my fluids. Just get all up in here.

Dwayne 31:20
Damn bird. I see you had a show-er, you had a grower not a show-er. Look at that.

Koji 31:28
Wait why is this, why is the crane watching us.

Jennifer 31:32

I want in on this action. I want in on this action. Let me in, let me in.

Dwayne 31:36
Let the crane tap in. Let the crane tap in.

Kristin 31:41
Crane’s been sitting there for 10 years just waiting for something like this to happen.

Dwayne 31:54
The only question becomes, who's pregnant now, is it me owl, is it crane, is it bird, or is it goo.

Kristin 32:00
I feel…

Koji 32:02

The goo’s pregnant.

Dwayne 32:03

The goo’s pregnant.

Kristin 32:05

There's a bubble, there’s a bubble forming in me and it is weird. It is weird. It's got wings. I think it's about to pop.

Dwayne 32:11

It’s gonna look like all of us. Crane it’s gonna have your eyes.

Jennifer 32:22
My baby.

Koji 32:28
And scene, that was the weirdest thing I've ever been a part of I'm sorry.

Kristin 32:34
I can’t wait for someone to ask have you ever heard of the Mothman and be like, I’ve got this down. I really felt the crane. It really felt the crane glued us together.

Dwayne 32:46
Absolutely. That doesn't happen without the crane. The inhibitions, the loss of inhibitions, it was the crane and the goo.

Kristin 32:53
I really did appreciate the who’s is it, who’s is it.

Dwayne 32:57
That was the only reason I wanted to be the owl.

Kristin 33:01
Like an owl, it landed.

Jennifer 33:03
And that is the official story.

Dwayne 33:08
Kristin, thank you, thank you so much Kristin that was, that was great. Thank you for coming to the show. That was a lot of fun. How can people find you.

Kristin 33:14
Okay so I have a website it's called kristinkey.com. You just go there and all my social media is on there find me, follow me, be my friend. I put out videos every week, I've got two weekly shows I do, the Kristin Knows Blank podcast that I talked about before, and also, every Friday night I have a show called Friday Live at Five. It's a live show, there's music there's comedy. It's really fun. I'm also on Patreon, you can support me there and I have Cameo so if you want to give someone a personalized song or a musical shout out, find me on Cameo and everything's through kristinkey.com.

Dwayne 33:43
And thank you all so much for listening, you know, there are hundreds of thousands of podcasts out there, and we're honored you've chosen ours to listen to. You could have listened to any podcast in the world, but you chose mine, and I appreciate that.

Koji 33:55

Please check out our website, unofficialofficialstory.com for our show notes, or to hear our past episodes.

Jennifer 33:58
And remember to come back next month, we're going to be answering the question. Did 5G cause the coronavirus?

Koji 34:08

Of course it did.

Dwayne 34:09

Duh.

Koji 34:13
Bye everyone.

Jennifer 34:13

Bye.

Dwayne 34:14

Bye bye.