S2E5 Is Prince Charles a Vampire? with Comedian Cat Ce

Jennifer Field: [00:00:05] Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Season two Episode five of the unofficial official story. I'm Jennifer and I narrowly escaped getting COVID. I was exposed. I think I'm good. I'm tested. But yeah, it's spreading. Guys, mask up and be careful.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:00:23] Hey. And I'm Dwyane. I'm not getting COVID, I hope, because I have to travel recently. Soon? Excuse me? Not recently. I'm all discombobulated. But I'm here. Covid free and ready to go.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:34] And I'm Koji and I had COVID a couple of months ago and I'm good.

Jennifer Field: [00:00:38] This is a podcast where we tell you the official story. We look at the paranormal conspiracies, unexplained phenomena, cryptids, true crime. And by the end, we're going to tell you what really maybe happened. And in this episode, we're asking the question, is Prince Charles a vampire. But more importantly, we have to meet our guest Cat Ce what up. Hey, Cat.

Cat Ce: [00:01:06] Hey, guy. Thank you for having me.

Jennifer Field: [00:01:09] Cat is an actress. She's also a model. She's a comedian and filmmaker. Cat fell in love with the performing arts at a young age while she studied dance music, martial arts. And she's been involved in many shoots of all kinds. Cat is a strong supporter of various animal welfare and environmental groups. Being an animal lover, Cat loves to devote her time to animal shelters, too. So welcome to the show, Cat. How are you Doing?

Cat Ce: [00:01:40] I'm doing great. Guys, how are you guys doing?

Jennifer Field: [00:01:42] Doing good. Doing good. I love the summertime I don't know about you.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:01:47] What martial arts do you know?

Cat Ce: [00:01:48] Just very traditional. Typical Chinese kung fu. I did a litle bit of taekwondo as well, but it didn't pass Blue Belt.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:01:55] So the biggest, most important question is, can you beat up Dwayne?

Cat Ce: [00:01:59] Let's do it after the show. All right.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:02:03] I like you. I like your chances.

Jennifer Field: [00:02:08] Wait, Dwayne, do you know any martial art?

Dwayne Perikins: [00:02:09] No, no, not at all.

Jennifer Field: [00:02:10] Okay, so she's going to kick your butt?

Dwayne Perikins: [00:02:12] Yeah. Yeah.I yeah, I just studied, you know, I don't know around the way fu you know what I mean? But I actually haven't. I talk about it in my act. I haven't had a fight since junior high school, so.

Jennifer Field: [00:02:25] Okay, good.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:02:26] I don't. I don't even.

Jennifer Field: [00:02:27] Stay out of trouble.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:02:28] I'm not sure. I mean, I'm pretty strong, you know?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:02:30] Yeah. You work out a lot?

Dwayne Perikins: [00:02:32] I work out a lot. Yeah. I don't know if that that translates and I do Tai Bo.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:02:35] So I just got into a fight before the for youth baseball. So I'm constantly fighting, but I do Brazilian jiu jitsu.

Cat Ce: [00:02:42] Oh, that's so cool.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:02:43] Yeah, Brazilian jiu jitsu is amazing. I think it's the most useful martial art.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:02:46] Well, maybe that's the one I'll take. My whole thing is that I watch a lot of videos on Instagram of people getting knocked out. They're really funny. It's always someone who's the aggressor, you know, and then it gets knocked out. So it's like it's just don't start a fight.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:02:59] Well, no. So there is a way, like, if somebody is putting their head towards you, it means they've never fought before. Because anybody who knows how to fight, whether boxing or anything they don't you don't you like you want to keep your distance,

Dwayne Perikins: [00:03:10] Right,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:03:10] By the way. So you want to you want to do jujitsu. I'm going to be opening a studio next month in Alhambra, I'm not going to be teaching. You don't want to take a class from me. But. 

Dwayne Perikins: [00:03:19] That's right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:03:19] We recorded there. But. But we should get back to Cat. Yeah.

Jennifer Field: [00:03:23] Back to Cat. 

Dwayne Perikins: [00:03:24] After cat Beats me up.

Cat Ce: [00:03:26] Oh, my Gosh.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:03:26] We'll both go back and take some jiu-jitsu.

Cat Ce: [00:03:28] You go. What? You can use a taser gun because I just went to this Hollywood stunt, like, kind of like for the Asian American. Like, all the stunt team. They gave me this taser gun. Like, it's super cool. Pink. You can borrow that.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:03:41] Oh, wow.

Jennifer Field: [00:03:42] Do you have it with you?

Cat Ce: [00:03:43] I don't. Next time I bring it. By the way, congratulations, Koji, for that studio. I definitely going to come to take classes.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:03:52] So I want to hear more about the stunt gun. So is it a is it a real gun or is it like a sex toy?

Cat Ce: [00:03:56] It looks kind of like sex toy. It's like. It's like it's pink. It's like taser, look like Taser. And then you put it on your kind of middle finger and just kind of press a button and going kind of taser like it told us, you know, what you can do is kind of you have to touch the skin. If they wear a jacket, it won't work. So it's very useful for man and woman out there.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:21] Oh, wow.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:04:22] So especially in the summertime.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:24] Yeah, in the summer.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:04:24] More useful in the summertime.

Jennifer Field: [00:04:26] Yeah, right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:28] Probably not useful at a ski resort?

Dwayne Perikins: [00:04:29] Right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:32] Space is probably  not a useful place.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:04:33] If you get attacked by the ski mask killer, help you.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:36] Or if you're on like the International Space Station.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:04:38] Right. Right. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:39] Outside the space station. Probably not helpful to you. How did you get into how did you get into comedy?

Cat Ce: [00:04:44] So I started like improv, like at Nerdist. Do you guys remember the school?

Dwayne Perikins: [00:04:48] Oh, yeah. Yeah. So behind the comic book store?

Cat Ce: [00:04:51] Yes. Yeah, it's called it was called A Meltdown Comic Book Store. And then Chris Hardwick started a school a couple of years ago. So I was taking the class over there for a while and I was taking an acting class. And then I just realized, if you can do comedy, you can do pretty much everything, right, like drama. So I kind of got it into comedy by taking the improv class. And then there are lots of stand up comedians in our class as well. So I was like, okay, maybe I should write comedy. So I was writing lots of jokes. And then one time I was in the Uber and I would start telling jokes to Uber driver. This Uber driver said, Oh, you're actually really funny. I said, Yeah, you should do standup. I'm like, Okay. So then I finally decided to stand up a couple of years ago, so I'm still kind of like a baby. People said that you needed that doing this for ten years. I'm like, Oh, is there a short cut.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:05:42] Well, I would say there is a shortcut and just more you write and listen to your sets. Just keep listening and writing, listening and writing, listening and writing. And that's how you surpass people, because some people just do it and they don't listen. You have to listen to every single set that you do. But it's really great that that Uber driver said that to you. You know, like you're the first person in history, like the Uber driver told you what you should do because because Uber drivers are always telling you what they do, right? They're like, Well, I'm driving Uber. I really do this. I really do that. So he must have really been impressed to big up you. You know what I mean?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:06:14] Yeah. And you should listen to Dwayne because, I mean, he's been in comedy for about 80 years.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:06:17] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cat Ce: [00:06:17] Wow.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:06:18] Yeah, definitely.

Cat Ce: [00:06:22] 80? Eight zero?

Dwayne Perikins: [00:06:26] I'm the one who told Charlie Chaplin that he should try speaking.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:06:30] Wow.

Cat Ce: [00:06:33] Black Don't crack.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:06:34] Is that a thing?

Dwayne Perikins: [00:06:38] Black on crack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to I mean, it's weird, though, because I do feel like we die young, but I think we still have good skin. You know what I mean? It's hard to, but black don't crack, but it's. I think everyone doesn't crack. It just it's just a matter of moisturizing. So.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:06:54] So my theory with Asians is that we look young, ten years younger than our age until you hit one age, and then you jump, like, 70 years and like, you could be like 90, but look like you're 200 for the rest of your life. So, like, you're either, like ten years younger or like 80 years over your age. You're like, wait, she's only like 90, but she looks like she's 170. You know, it's like those are the options we're at.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:07:16] What age is that or is. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:07:17] It depends on the person. I think it's interesting.

Cat Ce: [00:07:20] Yeah, but but honestly, I'd rather die as old Asian people because I like to go to the park in Alhambra to watch it all. The older people, like old Asian people hanging out, doing the dance, doing stuff like white older people just die in the nursing home.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:07:33] Right. Right.

Jennifer Field: [00:07:36] It's true. Right.

Cat Ce: [00:07:38] Asian people still like gathering around at a party like old people party in the park.

Jennifer Field: [00:07:43] They are they're like doing Tai chi,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:07:45] My friend, when I was at the Arcadia Mall, when my son was a toddler, this Chinese grandma was like had her grandchild was having an issues with my son. And I got into it with the grandma.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:07:56] There's a trend here.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:07:58] We started going back and forth and then all of a sudden it's like, well, this Chinese-American woman about my age was like, she's going to beat you up like this old woman is going to beat me up, like. And then I was like the whole thing. But we didn't fight. Yeah, we didn't throw it down. But I remember thinking like, That's great. She's going to like fight like a much younger person.

Cat Ce: [00:08:17] She has nothing to lose.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:08:20] It's like Jay-Z, right? When Jay-Z says, like, I shoot you.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:08:23] Oh, yeah, that's a great line. If I shoot you, yeah. If you shoot me, I'm. You're famous. If I shoot you on brainless.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:08:29] Yeah,

Dwayne Perikins: [00:08:29] Yeah, yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:08:30] The same thing maybe.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:08:31] He said he said if I shoot you on brainless if you shoot me, I'm famous. Meaning I have nothing to gain from fighting you But you have a lot to gain by fighting me.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:08:38] So because it will go viral.

Jennifer Field: [00:08:39] So since you're quite a multidisciplinary artist, would you say, what's the thing that makes your heart sing the most? Is it is it the stand up is that was really, you know, being on the stage, doing comedy, making people laugh. Would you say that's kind of where your your heart's at?

Cat Ce: [00:08:54] I think my heart is where I spend time with my dogs. I'm just joking. You know, I can't wait, like, one day, like, I can't bring my dogs on stage.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:09:05] Oh, nice.

Jennifer Field: [00:09:06] Dogs. I haven't seen that. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:09:06] How many dogs do you have?

Cat Ce: [00:09:07] I have two dogs.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:09:08] Okay. What are their Names?

Cat Ce: [00:09:09] Coco and Poochie.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:09:11] Oh, nice.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:09:11] I had a dog named Papooch.

Cat Ce: [00:09:13] Ooh.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:09:15] Nice, that's Poochie's father. Yeah.

Cat Ce: [00:09:18] That's Poochie's master.

Jennifer Field: [00:09:21] Yeah. I've never seen a dog on stage at, like, a, you know, a stand up,

Cat Ce: [00:09:26] I think. What's that comedian's name. Eliza. 

Dwayne Perikins: [00:09:29] Oh, yeah. She does bring Eliza Schlessinger. She brings her dog on stage.

Cat Ce: [00:09:33] Her dog on stage one time.

Jennifer Field: [00:09:34] Okay.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:09:35] Yeah, absolutely.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:09:35] I would just stare at the dog, though. It's still the show. Dogs are cute.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:09:39] Dogs and children. They they still scenes yes.

Cat Ce: [00:09:41] Yeah.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:09:41] And have you traveled with your dogs?

Cat Ce: [00:09:44] No, I haven't, because I have flight anxiety. I don't you want to fly. That's why I don't think I can tour as a comedian. I just want to like, you know, stay local.

Jennifer Field: [00:09:53] Scary to fly. Sometimes you just got to. Get a drink.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:09:56] You can get a tour bus.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:09:59] You can walk.

Cat Ce: [00:09:59] Yeah, I can't wait. One day you went to, like, a transporter. Just press a button and get there.

Jennifer Field: [00:10:05] Oh, yeah. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:06] Yeah,

Jennifer Field: [00:10:06] I would like that too.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:10:08] Yeah, I mean, because either it has to sort of like like Star Trek, like break down your molecules and reassemble them somewhere, or it'll probably still be flying shoot out into space. And then you come down and land and.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:23] You come back and look like me. See? That would be terrible.

Jennifer Field: [00:10:27] Well, I guess we should get into it. Yeah, 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:29] Yes. Let's get into it.

Jennifer Field: [00:10:30] Here are the facts. Prince Charles next in line, of course, to become the king of England, recently came out with a statement emphasizing his relationship to Vlad the Impaler, a cruel, bloodthirsty leader of Transylvania that inspired the Dracula vampire monster that we see in films and books today. Of course, Prince Charles recently stated, and I quote, Transylvania is in my blood. Oh, I should have I want Dwayne to do this with an accent. Can you do an English accent for me and do that?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:01] No, no, I'm horrible at English accent.

Jennifer Field: [00:11:03] You're great at accents, Cat, can you do English accents? I just want to hear it.

Cat Ce: [00:11:08] Actually, maybe I can, because Queen Elizabeth and I share the same birthday. 4/20. 

Jennifer Field: [00:11:16] You're a 4/20 baby.

Cat Ce: [00:11:18] Yeah, but I don't smoke pot at all.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:11:20] You also share a birthday with Hitler.

Cat Ce: [00:11:21] I know. All my Jewish friends like to say this to me.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:27] How do you know that? That's crazy.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:11:28] Because 4/20 is like. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:30] The weed.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:11:31] Yeah.

Jennifer Field: [00:11:32] Oh, my God.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:11:32] Are you going to do the accent?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:34] I can try. Try it. I feel like Jennifer will do it just as.

Jennifer Field: [00:11:37] I was trying to. And then I got scared.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:39] Not. Not like a Dracula, not like a vampire, like an English person.

Jennifer Field: [00:11:42] Yeah,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:42] Because I wanted to do Transylvania is in my blood.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:11:44] Yeah, yeah, do a Dracula.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:47] That's. That's a little easier for me. Transylvania is in my blood genealogy shows that I am descended from Vlad the Impaler, you see.

Jennifer Field: [00:11:58] Why are you so good at that?

Cat Ce: [00:12:00] That is bloody good.

Jennifer Field: [00:12:06] Oh, my God. So that statement has created a lot of buzz because Vlad the Impaler is also said to have been a vampire ruler. So Prince Charles is likely a descendant of a vampire.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:12:17] How is that not a bigger thing that he was related to Vlad the Impaler? Why is it the first time I'm noticing this is when I read the script?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:12:23] You know what I think? And I think it's good and I'm going to read my part. I think these people who have sort of like seized power and have kept it in their families for generations, they like to hide the fact that they've done that. You know, the fact that like the German excuse me, the English monarchy, they're really German, you know what I mean? They have. And all these monarchs that that always they interbred. They, you know, they bred it with each other and they like to keep that on the low, you know. So I think that's why.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:12:51] That's why.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:12:51] But now the secret's out because anyone with a with a keyboard can make sure we all know. So anyway, with that, that is banana sandwich, though. There. So let me put my reading glasses on because that's.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:13:04] That's what happens when you do comedy for 80 years.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:13:05] Yeah, exactly.

Jennifer Field: [00:13:08] Who's vampire in here now.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:13:09] I told Charlie Chaplin he should speak and he told me to get reading glasses. So there are many specifics that make it seem like Prince Charles is a vampire. Prince Charles lives in a castle. He's reclusive, rarely comes out during the day, is a member of the English royalty and is involved in a substantial amount of ancient ceremonies and rituals for England, the ancient rituals being things vampires would like since many vampires are centuries of years old and perform rituals. Additionally, if you look at his pictures like the ones provided in the show notes, he has like a vampire smile.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:13:43] Does he really? What do you guys think? Look at that picture.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:13:45] Oh, yeah, that's. That looks like a person who had to learn how to smile. Like, that's like a that's how you smile when you're in third grade, right? Because you know. But but then you don't smile like that anymore.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:13:55] Cat, why do you think vampire smile or no vampire smile?

Cat Ce: [00:13:58] Yeah, I think I think his nose has a little bit. Let's thing the only thing I would point out that's not a vampire is the teeth should be more white. But he's British, by the way, so we cannot criticize him.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:14:13] That's super white for British,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:15] Right?

Cat Ce: [00:14:18] Yeah, exactly.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:14:18] That's like pearly white.

Cat Ce: [00:14:20] That's a perfect taste for British.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:14:21] Yeah. What about you, Jennifer? Do you think that she has. He has a vampire smile?

Jennifer Field: [00:14:26] I guess there's something I could see him doing. The Dracula voice with that kind of face. Yeah,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:14:32] Yeah,

Jennifer Field: [00:14:32] Yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:33] Look at this picture, right? Doesn't it feel like inside his inner monologue, it's like, does this look like a smile? Carley Busfield from bunow.com writes Some may even compare his features to those of a vampire. As we just discussed with his defined face and ears, he appears more creature-like, okay, don't, don't do him like that. Because his eyes are set close together, staring sternly into your soul. His nose, which is a prominent feature on his face, points directly at you. Where else is his nose going to point? His smile slants ever so slightly into a grimace. Overall, his the appearance of a blood-sucking creature.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:15:16] I don't know about you Dwayne. I get all my news from bunow.com. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:15:20] Right?

Jennifer Field: [00:15:22] So reputable.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:15:24] It's like CNN. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:15:26] Right. 

[00:15:26] Bunow.com. Newsmax. Right. All right. Finally, Prince Charles also owns multiple properties and is very involved in Transylvania, the home of Dracula. His vampire ancestor, Prince Charles, does a visibly large amount of charity work for Transylvania. He's furthermore honoraly.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:15:42] Honorarily

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:15:43] God English.

Jennifer Field: [00:15:45] Come on, Professor.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:15:46] He is. He's furthermore honorarily referred to as the Prince of Transylvania by the local elected officials, which is strange since Prince Charles, the leader of England, a rival European country,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:15:56] Rival?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:15:57] I don't think it's a rival.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:15:58] Right?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:15:59] Yeah.

Jennifer Field: [00:16:05] So as you can see, there are a lot of facts out there that support the Prince Charles vampire hypothesis. So now it's time that we discuss our theories.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:16:15] Dwayne, why don't you get us started?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:16:16] Okay, I'll take off my glasses for effect. They're not real glasses. Anyway, here's what I think. I think he is certainly a emotional vampire. That's the thing.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:16:28] Yeah, that's a thing.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:16:29] Yeah. Like so. And that's what he did to to Prince Diana, right? He just sort of. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:16:34] Princess Diana.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:16:34] Princess Diana, excuse me. He kind of sapped her energy. And I think his wife is Camilla, right? I think she's also an emotional vampire. So like it skips a generation. So he didn't get the real vampire gene. He just got the emotional gene.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:16:47] Can you define an emotional vampire? Just so everyone's like,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:16:49] Oh, yeah. It's sort of like, I don't know if it's the same as the Succubus or Incubus, but it's kind of like a person who just saps the the life and energy of anyone who's around them they like. They just go around stealing joy, like even standing next to you. They can steal you. You know how, like, you ever talk to someone and they tell a long, drawn out story and you just, like, don't know where it's going?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:17:09] Yeah, like right now.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:17:10] Yeah, right. That person is a vampire, an emotional vampire. Or someone was like, How's your day going? Oh, man. And it's just all these bad things going on. They just and they just do that to everyone they come in contact with. So basically it's like with comedy, right? Like some people leave some comics leave the audience in a better shape than when they got them. These kind of people, they leave everyone in a worse shape, you know, like after everyone's down after they hang with them. But I think so. I think he's an emotional vampire, but he has that lineage, right. So Vlad the Impaler and I think he hangs out in Transylvania so much because it's like the one person his his powers don't work on is his mom. And so she might outlive him. He might never be king. So just in case he's going to just slide off, he's got to he's got a date written down. He's like, by the time I get to blank age, if she's, you know, he loves his mom. But if she's not if she hasn't given me the, you know, kinghood or whatever you want to call it, he's going to become the king of Transylvania since they love him already. He has a house there. He's already the prince, so he can just go there, be an emotional vampire or kick it with some real vampires. And that's that's his plan.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:18:23] Oh, so vampire vampires are real, but he's just.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:18:26] Yeah, yeah, he's he's vampires are real. And they hang out with the emotional vampires sometimes and they can't, they don't like they can coexist because they can't turn it. You can't turn it. This is all based on that TV show, what we do in the shadows. So that's why that's what I'm getting my vampire knowlege.

Jennifer Field: [00:18:44] Good.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:18:44] And so a vampire who sucks blood can't turn an emotional vampire into a vampire. Like, they just.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:18:51] Their just like different species.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:18:52] Yeah, but they hang out and they kick it, so.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:18:53] Got it.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:18:54] He's an emotional vampire who, if his mom doesn't do something soon, you know,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:18:59] So is Queen Elizabeth a vampire, then?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:19:01] Yeah, probably so.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:19:02] That's why. That's why she's living a long time.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:19:04] Right, right, right,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:19:05] Right,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:19:05] Right. But she might be an actual vampire.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:19:08] Okay.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:19:08] So that's my theory. I'm sticking to it. I don't know if that makes sense.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:19:11] Jennifer, what's your theory?

Jennifer Field: [00:19:12] My theory is that Prince Charles is not a vampire because. In my opinion, vampires are sexy and I have never known a vampire in literature or movies. And even remember I talked about last week how I had a friend that claimed he was a vampire.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:19:27] Is he good looking?

Jennifer Field: [00:19:28] He's not, but he has. But he has an energy.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:19:33] Follow up question. Does he listen to this podcast?

Jennifer Field: [00:19:39] Oh, my God. I got to think about it. I got to backtrack my steps. I hope he doesn't listen to this yet, because that'd be mean, because he's such a nice guy. But he's got a nice he's got a good energy. He's got a real good charm, charisma. So I think because you don't have to be good looking to be sexy, I've known people that look like not even they just look like animals.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:19:56] And that's what I tell myself all the time, Jennifer.

Jennifer Field: [00:19:58] Yeah. There you go.

Dwayne Perikins: [00:20:00] So you're saying this a chance?

Jennifer Field: [00:20:01] Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, it's like that song, you know, Big Dick Energy. It's like, you know, it's all just like there's a.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:20:08] Song called Wait wait wait Sorry. I haven't listened to a hip hop since, like, Pac died.

Jennifer Field: [00:20:12] Right. That song.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:20:13] Tell me about this song. What is. This?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:20:14] Yeah, well, well, back up. The the term I think it was. Was it Ariana Grande or Selena Gomez, someone who dated Pete.

Jennifer Field: [00:20:24] Pete Davidson.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:20:25] Pete Davidson from SNL after they broke up, said, you know, because I guess someone was saying he's not a looker. And this girl said he has big dick energy. And that's kind of became. 

Jennifer Field: [00:20:34] He 100% does

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:20:36] what does that mean?

Jennifer Field: [00:20:36] It means you.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:20:37] Confidence, I guess.

Jennifer Field: [00:20:38] Yeah, it's confidence. You don't have to. You don't. I'll tell you from personal experience, you don't actually have to have a big dick and you can act like it and meaning like not saying that that is the definition of manhood in any way, but it just has to do with like charisma, personality, confidence, swagger, even so. So that's what I mean by sexy, because I've definitely dated. I'm sure you've been through it to Cat, where you've date someone that's not very empirically good-looking but sexy as hell. So that's what I mean. Is Prince Charles not sexy to me?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:07] And he doesn't have BDE. That's what we're saying.

Jennifer Field: [00:21:10] He doesn't. So part of the extension of that theory is that he wants to be. He wants to be. So that's why he be hanging out in like Transylvania and stuff like that, because he's trying to infiltrate. He wants to learn. He wants to learn with the vampires and he wants to become.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:25] That's so interesting. You know why that's interesting to me? Because the guy who wrote that book, pick up artist or how do you know that whole book of how to get girls?

Jennifer Field: [00:21:32] Oh, yeah, yeah. That dude, he had, like, a reality show.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:34] Yeah, yeah. You neg them and it's that and a third he that guy looked like a vampire because he tried to, like, look all cool. Oh. So I think along those same lines, vampires know how to get women, and Prince Charles is just trying to, like, have some of that rub off on them. It's like it's like when you're five, six and you hang out with a bunch of basketball players, you know, like you're still five. Six.

Jennifer Field: [00:21:54] Yeah. Yeah. But hey, if you're five, six hanging out, basketball players and you act like you act like a Pete Davidson kind of thing, then you're going to be okay,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:22:02] Right? I like that theory.

Jennifer Field: [00:22:03] Yeah. That's why men if you're listening, if you're short, I'm telling you, don't let it bother you.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:22:08] Can I ask a question? Okay. Out of all the men in this room.

Jennifer Field: [00:22:13] We're so digressing right now.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:22:15] Who has the best BDE?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:22:19] I don't know. Maybe. Eduardo. Yeah.

Cat Ce: [00:22:23] Yes.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:22:24] That was the wrong answer. Okay, let's start over. Is it you and all the Asian men in this room? Okay.

Jennifer Field: [00:22:33] Koji? Koji, you?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:22:34] Yes.

Cat Ce: [00:22:36] Yes. Speaking of this, I just wrote a joke for our Asian brothers about the BDE thing. I haven't performed that joke yet, but I just want to give credit to a lots of Asian guys there. Lots of Asian guys do have enormous dick. Yeah. Like I did it. This joke for my ex boyfriend. It was like, hey, who said Asian guy don't have big dick? My ex-boyfriend has enormous dick, but he just don't use it on me. He used it on the video games.

Jennifer Field: [00:23:11] And let's remember now Prince Charles, right? Diane was cheating on him, so see.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:15] But he was cheating on her.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:16] He was cheating on her, too.

Cat Ce: [00:23:17] Yeah, he did that first.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:18] From the very beginning.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:19] Yeah. He was in love with us.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:20] Always. Yeah, always in the picture. And I guess he couldn't marry her back then. For some reason.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:24] I think he was in love with her the whole time. Yeah, that's why I made Diana, like, hurt herself, right?

Cat Ce: [00:23:28] Yeah. I think it's like emotional cheating is worse because I think Diana knows a Prince Charles was deeply in love with Camille, so, like, she understands, even like they were married. I think Diana, I think, you know, Prince Charles would never, ever kind of really fall in love with her because his heart was with Camilla.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:49] Right? Yeah.

Cat Ce: [00:23:49] Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:50] So speaking of that, my theory, if you guys want to hear my theory, my theory,

Jennifer Field: [00:23:53] Yes we do.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:54] Yeah Thank you.

Jennifer Field: [00:23:54] King. King, B.D.E

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:56] Yeah. Of all the Asian men in this room,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:58] Right. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:58] Yes. So my theory is this. So Princess Diana didn't like him? He was she always thought he's kind of a loser. You know, if he wasn't Prince, she wouldn't have been out going out with him. And so he, you know, like he always wanted to feel better and bigger. So he started spreading this lie that he was a vampire. And he, like, started, like, telling all the press that was hanging out and he'd say, Hey, I'm a vampire. And he said, like, I'm related to Vlad the Impaler. But like, like Dwayne was saying earlier, all the royal people are all related to each other,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:24:25] Right

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:24:26] So he knew that he was related and just took some nerdy guy to figure out the actual relationship. So this all started because he was insecure about how Diana disrespected him for the very beginning.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:24:36] I see. I see. So. So why does it keep going on with it?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:24:39] Well, he said it once. And then on the Internet, people just keep talking about it. I see. So we're just doing the propaganda of of Charles. It's propaganda from like 20 years ago.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:24:48] I see, I see, I see.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:24:49] Yeah. It kept going. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:24:50] So. And then I wonder what what what does Camilla think of it? She's. She's indifferent.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:24:55] She. Well, they have they have vampire roleplaying sex. He like she like he pretends to bite her. And he's like, I'm a vegan vampire, you know, a vampire.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:25:10] There's nothing funny about Cape.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:25:12] All right Cat. What is your theory?

Cat Ce: [00:25:20] I kind of agree what Jennifer said about, like, you know, the guys. You know, sometimes you don't have to be good looking to be sexy, right? I do most of the time. And then I feel like for Prince Charles, he you know, obviously he's not good looking. And then.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:25:38] Wait stop.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:25:39] I mean, it's in the eye of the beholder, but not too many people have.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:25:42] I would I would fuck them all over the.

Cat Ce: [00:25:45] Really. For what? What's the most sexy feature about him? You want to fuck him?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:25:52] His beautiful white teeth?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:25:53] I think that. I think that tie looks great.

Jennifer Field: [00:25:59] No, it's the fact that he's a prince.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:01] Yeah, he's a prince.

Cat Ce: [00:26:01] Yeah, yeah. He doesn't have to prove anything else, right?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:04] Yeah. Sorry. Go ahead.

Cat Ce: [00:26:06] It's okay. And Dwyane mentioned about, like, emotional vampire. Maybe he does have that energy of him to suck out all the good energy like I never felt. He's charming as well. Like, you know, so, you know, some leader, when they make speech like Obama, they stand on stage. You know, they have their charm, right? Like when he's speaking, I just want I just want to fall asleep. Maybe that's a vampire.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:33] That sounds like a Vampire

Cat Ce: [00:26:35] I put you to sleep.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:26:38] Yeah, I think. I think he has it. Yeah. So you're going with emotional vampire as well. Or. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:26:43] He's both an emotional and a regular vampire.

Cat Ce: [00:26:45] Yeah,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:46] He's both vampire.

Cat Ce: [00:26:47] Oh, it's hard to debate this one. I think I'm go I'm going to go with regular vampire.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:55] He's a regular vampire.

Cat Ce: [00:26:56] Yeah.

Jennifer Field: [00:26:56] He sucks blood.

Cat Ce: [00:26:57] Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:58] Okay.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:26:58] Well, the One thing about him being a regular vampire, which I think is good, is that the rules of vampire ism, like, you know, you're into zombies right Koji, every book has a different zombie rules. And so the whole they don't go out in a daytime or they can't see themselves in a mirror. That's all from like one book that may not be.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:27:17] Yeah,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:27:17] That may have been added to like that's that's not how vampires really roll.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:27:22] You know, I saw this documentary called Twilight. And in Twilight he's able to go outside. Right. Yeah. Edward. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:27:30] Right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:27:31] So, I mean, have you guys seen that documentary?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:27:33] I haven't. I haven't, actually. But.

Cat Ce: [00:27:36] I love that documentary. I watched it ten times.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:27:40] It's so enlightening. You know, apparently girls just want to become vampires, right? They just. That's all they want to be.

Jennifer Field: [00:27:46] Oh, right. We're at the point in the show where we need to pick the unofficial official story, one that will once and for all answer this question. What do you guys think? Which theory do we want to go with? Is Prince Charles a vampire? And if so, what kind?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:28:00] This is one of the hardest ones we've ever had because, yeah, everyone's thing is good. And I even like I like the fact if he's a real vampire, then that would explain why he loves Camilla so much. If I'm saying name. Right, because it's always the one he doesn't bite. That's the true love, right? It's like, if I loved you, I'm going to bit you a long time ago. You know what I mean? So, you know, maybe he beat Diana and she was like, Oh, damn it, you made me a vampire. And you love that bitch because you didn't bite her. You know, that kind of. I like him faking it. I like that a lot.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:28:33] Personally, I like the the big dick thing. Like, well, I don't like Big Dick. That's that that's that came off. Totally wrong.

Jennifer Field: [00:28:43] You mean like.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:28:44] He's that he's actually.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:28:46] He hangs out with vampires.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:28:47] he hangs out with vampires.

Jennifer Field: [00:28:47] He hangs out with vampires.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:28:48] But he's not really a vampire,

Jennifer Field: [00:28:49] But he's not really because he was a wishful. He wants to learn the ways.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:28:53] Yeah, I kind of like that.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:28:54] I kind of like that too. But also it incorporates Cat's and the fact that he's he knows he's not charming and so so either that's because he's a vampire or he just doesn't have charm. So I'll hang out with vampires just to give myself a little boost. It's like I read this book once in the book, this guy had to entertain these nerds. And so he told these nerds that his tie he got his tie from, like Leonard Nimoy, Dr. Spock. And so he didn't have charm, but the nerds were like, oh, my God, you you've met Dr. Spock, and you know what I mean? So I think Charles is just doing anything to, like,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:29:26] Get Some cred.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:29:27] Be interesting, you know what I mean? And get some cred. So I like I mean, both of them touch upon that, but I like I like him faking the whole thing and just hanging out with vampires.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:29:36] What do you think, Cat?

Cat Ce: [00:29:37] I kind of agree with Dwayne on this. I think he's faking it, and he hangs out with real vampire to increase his charm. And then, you know, like we said, you know, he's not charming, but he gets girls just because he's a prince.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:29:54] Yeah. Yeah, I like that. I like that. I like. So I guess that's Jennifer's theory. You know, when William when he enrolled in that school, I forget what college you went to. I think he went to college in Scotland. Right. And when he enrolled, like the female enrollment went up like 600% or something crazy.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:30:10] Yeah, that makes sense. I mean,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:30:12] And so one of them got lucky and was the one who married.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:30:15] Yeah.

Jennifer Field: [00:30:15] Mm hmm.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:30:16] That's. That's. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:30:17] Can you imagine it. That's crazy.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:30:19] That's the secret.

Jennifer Field: [00:30:20] We figured it out. That is the official story. Mine. Mine's the official story. All right. So we're going to take a break and we're going to come back and we'll do a round robin on different royal conspiracy theories.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:30:32] Yeah!

Jennifer Field: [00:30:35] Let's go through some other royal conspiracy theories. First up is the Meghan Markle conspiracy theory. Reader's Digest reports that the theory making the rounds is that the marriage of Meghan Markle to Prince Harry is a political gambit that will allow the United Kingdom to reabsorb the United States because Prince Harry's kids will be Americans and Brits. One could grow up to be president and king. So they want America back. And this is how they're going to do it. According to a viral tweet reported on by time.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:08] That's crazy.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:31:09] That's banana sandwich. What I like about it is that the last queen of America was Queen Charlotte. Charlotte right, who was mixed. So the last queen of America.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:18] What are you talking about?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:19] When America when we had the rebellion and we parted ways with England at that time.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:26] Oh, got it,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:27] Queen was Queen Charlotte got it. And America technically was a part of the British Empire. So Queen Charlotte was mixed.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:34] Mixed with what?

Dwyane Perkins: [00:31:34] She was part Black. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:35] She was.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:36] Yeah, yeah, that's a fact. So it would kind of be a nice full circle thing for them. They then, you know, have another president who rises to the ranks who's mixed, but also British and then, you know, pull us back in. But the only thing is these kids won't be their kids won't be in line for the throne because William's kids are in line for the throne.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:56] Unless they get eaten by vampire.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:31:58] You're right. But maybe that doesn't matter, right? Maybe. I think I think it's an interesting thing. It only works if the kids are really smart and they don't have British accents because no, Americans aren't going to vote for a president who's not British.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:32:11] Although the British accents make you sound smarter and more sophisticated. People will like it

Dwyane Perkins: [00:32:14] But being smart is a problem and a lot like.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:32:17] True. You want to have beer with them.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:32:18] In this country? Yeah. He's like, That's a guy I'll drink a beer with.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:32:21] Yeah, that's how pissed me off is when they put u in words that don't have u in it, you know, like when they put an extra letters.

Jennifer Field: [00:32:26] Oh, like color.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:32:27] Yeah. Oh, like, like harbor or.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:32:29] Yeah, that's like I can't vote for somebody would put a U.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:32:32] Oh, they say aluminum, aluminium, aluminum.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:32:35] That's unacceptable. It's un-American.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:32:36] Yeah. Advertisement, advertisement. But I like this theory. I mean, I wouldn't mind it. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:32:43] One of The things I always say about about the revolution or when we revolted against the other country, was that.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:32:49] I called it the rebellion.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:32:51] Is that we might have been better if we didn't leave England, you know, because like, for example, in 1840, the English outlawed slavery,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:33:01] Right. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:33:01] And it wasn't until 25 years later that we outlawed slavery. And if we were part of England, the South wouldn't have been as powerful because they have like the English empire. But we don't have to and we don't have to bow down to the South like we did.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:33:13] And I could probably go to a bar and get a cup of tea without people looking at me sideways.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:33:19] Wait you get tea at a Bar? 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:33:20] Sometimes, but in England you can do it.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:33:22] Is that BDE energy that does not feel. I mean.

Jennifer Field: [00:33:26] That seems like I guess it would qualify as showing your confidence. You don't give a fuck. So then, yeah.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:33:30] It could be sometimes. I'll get a hot chocolate in the bar.

Cat Ce: [00:33:34] That's my style too. I do get the hot chocolate.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:33:37] Yes.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:33:37] So I bring like I like like physical books. I read physical books. 

Jennifer Field: [00:33:40] At the bar

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:33:42] which is anywhere I bring books with me. And I was waiting for something. I was waiting for a meeting, so I was reading a book and all these girls were talking to me about because I was reading and like I was not interested in talking to them. And then I was telling my friend who single, I was like, Hey, all you have to do is read a book and all these girls will talk to you. And then he tried it. He's like, Nobody talked to me. I was like, Were you actually reading or were you trying to get a girl? And he's like, I was like trying to get across like, see, I was actually reading. I didn't want to talk to the girl. And the more they want to talk to me, the less I wanted to talk because I wanted to go back to my reading,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:06] Right. That's that's why Girls Love DJs.

Cat Ce: [00:34:08] Yeah

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:09] you know, it's like this whole nightclub, everyone's dancing. All these guys are trying to buy drinks for girls, and it's one guy not paying attention to him because he's just.

Jennifer Field: [00:34:16] God, that Makes sense.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:17] And then they all want that guy because if you can get his attention, that means it's more valuable because the scarcity of it, right?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:34:23] Yeah.

Cat Ce: [00:34:23] Oh, wow. I love that.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:24] Yeah.

Jennifer Field: [00:34:25] Djs are automatically, like, a little bit hotter.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:34:28] Yeah, female DJs are hot too, actually.

Cat Ce: [00:34:29] Yeah. Female DJs is definitely hot.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:34:31] Absolutely. Absolutely.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:34:32] What do you guys think about this theory?

Jennifer Field: [00:34:34] Yeah. I mean, I love any conspiracy theory. I like to humor it a little bit, but I think that the idea of it seems kind of cool. I don't know if it's like a conspiracy, but I could see it like I could see it happening and making sense and then it turning everything on its head. You know, the whole America Brit, dual citizenship President King thing. But I don't know if it's actually, like intentional.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:01] Yeah, well, we can't it can't be worse than Trump, so. Yeah.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:35:05] Right. And they have moved here, right?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:07] Yeah. They're in Santa Barbara.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:08] Yeah, yeah,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:09] Yeah. What about you Cat? What do you think?

Cat Ce: [00:35:10] This sounds very interesting. Especially this Twitter reported by time. Sounds very reputable.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:15] Yeah, well, it's no bunlow, right? Or bunnow.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:19] Right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:20] Sorry. Yeah, I had to look at the script. I had to go back to the. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:26] Next up Was Queen Elizabeth the first or one? A man? So the theory goes, according to Laruen Kahn, and Marissa Laliberte told Laliberte at Reader's Digest that in the 16th century, King Henry the eighth sent his young daughter, Elizabeth, tutor to a small village to avoid the plague. Supposedly, she died there and her governess was terrified to tell the king. Known for his killing of wives. Of his wives. That they'd failed to keep his daughter safe. Instead of fessing up, they tried to find a girl her age to take her place. But the village didn't have any suitable. Anyone suitable? Instead, they asked a farm boy named Neville to be the decoy. The plan worked. Child Swap explains why the Virgin Queen never married according to conspiracy theorists. Because she. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:16] She was a dude.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:36:17] She had a dude. She had a schlong.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:19] Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you guys think?

Jennifer Field: [00:36:21] Oh, my gosh. I mean, no, no. I don't think that'sFull of shit. Queen Elizabeth. I mean, then how did she the kids? I'm just trying to figure out. That means if she's a man and then her kids, like, there has to be multiple.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:36:35] She didn't have kids.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:36] She's a virgin queen.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:36:38] She. She didn't marry. Yeah.

Jennifer Field: [00:36:39] Oh, okay.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:36:41] They're saying.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:42] She had a penis. Not a Vagina.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:36:43] She had like she wore a lot of powdered makeup and wigs.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:46] Yeah. And she had a penis, not a vagina.

Jennifer Field: [00:36:48] I don't know. I mean, she was a strong. No,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:36:51] She once dunked on her brother. I don't know if that matters.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:56] She stuck it in a little bit. She said Five finger. Oh.

Jennifer Field: [00:37:00] I've seen many a movie about her. But. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:03] Here's the thing with this one is that if the father loved his daughter so much that he sent her away so she wouldn't die, and then they they swapped it with some other kid. And you can't tell that that it's not your daughter, you know what I mean?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:15] Well, there wasn't Instagram back then, too.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:37:17] I know. I thought about that.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:18] Tick tock. There's no tick tock.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:37:19] There's no pictures at all.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:20] Yeah, they're. They're paintings.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:22] There's paintings.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:23] Yeah. Somebody could have painted what she looked like before.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:26] Yeah

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:27] but now it looks like the new one.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:37:28] This would be hella dope. It's just. The thing is that the problem is that she. She ruled, you know, she was smart. And there was if you read the research, like people like this, she's too smart. She can't be a woman, you know? So I think a little bit of is like shade that a woman couldn't be this smart, so therefore she had to be a man.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:45] Yeah

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:45] But she spoke six languages to me. That's a woman thing because I think I think women pick up language better than men on average.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:53] Oh, wow. Okay.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:37:54] I think so. I think it's I think it's easier. Like if two people if a husband and a wife move somewhere when they're like in their forties unless the husband will only pick up the language faster if it's for work, if it's just sort of just hanging out, the woman will pick up the language.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:08] Women give birth better than men.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:10] Women give birth better than me. Yes, yes. So I like the story. It would be kind of dope, just kind of that they pulled a fast one. But I just can't believe it. I can't believe that the father could be tricked like that.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:20] Men pee standing up better,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:22] Right

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:23] Sorry. Sorry Jennifer shaking her head.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:38:28] I do think women are better at language? We can look it up, but I think that studies have shown that.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:32] Cat, what do you think about that theory?

Cat Ce: [00:38:33] I just don't think this makes sense for me at all. You know, how could they not tell? Like, you know, like the the back then they don't have plastic surgery, like, you know,

Jennifer Field: [00:38:46] How can they not tell.

Cat Ce: [00:38:46] How can you not tell? Like these days you can't easily like, you know, Caitlan Jenner. I can't get it down. But back then, like all the fake appearance, you couldn't hide it. Oh, maybe there were lots, lots of They wear a lot of clothes.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:57] Yeah. I mean just put it this way. People thought Elton John was straight or Liberace was straight. So people are able to convince themselves of a lot of things.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:39:04] I know, but we're talking a whole different gender.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:39:06] But people threw panties at Liberace and like, you look at him and like, I could like, close my eyes.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:39:11] Like, these are not My size.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:39:14] So it's like, I don't know, I want to believe this theory. I want to believe.

Dwyane Perkins: [00:39:18] I do too. But like, it just a lot has to fall into place to trick this many people.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:39:22] Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Okay. So is the current Queen of England, Elizabeth the second a Satanist cannibal? Oh, Amy McLendon, as I say, is her name from Harper's Bazaar. Details this strange theory about the queen and Prince Philip stems from the fact that the children appear to go missing whenever they're near. Case in point, when scores of Canadian children went missing, this coincided with Her Majesty and the Duke of Edinburgh making a trip to Canada. Yikes. There is a correlation here between children disappearing and the Queen of England visiting places as she is Satanist cannibal, yay or nay? If not, what is she doing with the children? That's a good question. This is very QAnon, by the way. This is like straight out of QAnon. It's like the same it's the same theory as QAnon.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:05] Yeah. It's like that song. I believe the children are the future. Eat them well and no, no. 

Jennifer Field: [00:40:16] Eat them Well.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:16] Isn't it a big logical jump saying, like, children are missing and she's eating them?

Jennifer Field: [00:40:20] Right. Why is that such a fun? Why do people love to go there?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:23] Yeah, and just because you're a Satanist doesn't mean you want to eat children.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:26] That's true.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:27] Yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:27] What else could you be doing with them?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:29] Soccer. Soccer? They like Soccer.

[00:40:31] You never see them again if you never see them again. People are going to eventually be like one because it's like if I give you a note,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:37] Yeah

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:38] And I have some secret information written on it, I'm like, make sure no one sees this. And then as soon as I give it to you, you look at it, you absorb the information, and you have to get rid of the note. You're going to eat it, right? Like unless you have a lighter. If you have a lighter, you might burn It,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:53] You could also shred it. There's a lot you could cut it up

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:55] If you have that kind of time. Right. But if I give you a note, you're going to eat it.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:41:06] Women are better at eating paper than men.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:41:08] Absolutely. Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:41:11] And eating penis. Actually, I don't know about that one.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:41:13] Except manila envelopes. Men. Men are really good at eating manila envelopes. That doesn't even mean anything. Here's what I say about this one. I think that it's like you said Koji with the eating, it takes it one step further. Right. In my research, I told you like two reputable news services, like debunked this. They went out of their way to debunk the saying, like when the kids went missing in Canada, the queen actually never visited that place. And it's like people like, say, like Jay-Z, like 1000 rappers must diss him every day in some shape or form. So he's only going to reply to the ones that that are big enough to reply to. So something about them reporting, it just seems like there's there's something there. And I will say this like maybe the queen is not a cannibal or anything like that, but some atrocities have happened on quote unquote, her watch. So she's still kind of responsible for it, like the mass graves they found in Canada. Right, children? Mass graves in Canada.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:42:11] Native Canadians.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:12] Yeah. Yeah. And then in Australia, you had the whole lost generation. And I didn't know about this till I went to Australia. Like they took a whole generation of Aborigines, separated them from, from their parents.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:42:24] We did that here by the way.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:25] Yeah. Yeah. They separated them and they like never went back to their parents. So like slavery you.

Jennifer Field: [00:42:30] To experiment? Or.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:42:31] No. Just to separate them

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:33] To train them differently.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:42:34] To be Australian.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:35] Yeah. Yeah. And so like with slavery you go, okay, you physically took these people and then you sold them. But even when that when that wasn't necessary, they did it. So all these things have kind of happened under her watch. So did she literally when she literally involved not her under the not because she hasn't ruled England in a while but you know, under the just just, England is responsible for a lot of these things, whether she is personally or not.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:42:59] Well, so for me, I'm not a huge I mean, obviously, I'm not a QAnon person, but it's so close that it makes me think. And then I start to think that I mean, the one thing that makes me kind of think that this might be true is that there was that whole one of the princes, I forget his name was like connected to. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:43:14] Andrew. Right.

Jennifer Field: [00:43:14] Was it Andrew that was connected to Jeffrey Epstein. Right. And Jeffrey Epstein did have sex with little children or I don't know how little children allegedly. Oh, I guess he's.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:43:21] Like under like underage.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:43:23] Not not not really children.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:43:24] 17, 16. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:43:25] That we know of.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:43:26] Right, right, right. Yeah,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:43:27] That We know of. We know. Allegedly just to protect myself. So there is like a thing that he was like hooking up with people under the age. But Cat, what do you think about this theory?

Cat CE: [00:43:37] Wow, Koji, what do you just talk about? Jeffrey Epstein reminded me like his death as well. And then, yeah, they there's some connection between like a Prince Andrew and Jeffrey Epstein and now the children thing making me think there may be some connection there. But children are very young children. Right. Not like a.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:43:59] 17 year Old. 

Cat Ce: [00:44:00] Like, you know, teenagers. Right.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:02] With Andrew. Yeah, but there's this Indian website I found. No, no. Like Native American.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:08] Oh, got it. Okay.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:09] And in Canada, someone, you know, it could be a lie, but someone was like, when I was a kid, they lined us up and the queen came and it was crazy because she didn't have the entourage. It was just her and Philip, I guess. And then they took like seven or seven kids and we never saw them again ever in our life. So is that true?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:27] Probably not.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:28] Probably not.

Cat Ce: [00:44:30] Do you think they train those kids to be spy later on?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:33] Oh, there you go.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:34] Oh, I like that theory. That's solid. So they didn't eat them. They trained them.

Cat Ce: [00:44:38] Like you have to like, you know, to be like, you know, very loyal. And in order not to turn those spies to become a double agent, you have to start treating them when they're kids.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:49] I love this. You know why too.

Cat CE: [00:44:50] Because British do have the best spies 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:53] They have good spies. And these kids would like think about it. You need people who just such a this is a dynamite theory because you need people who are racially ambiguous. Right. And so Native American or Native Canadians, whatever you call them, they can probably pass for like many different races.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:45:10] Yeah

Dwayne Perkins: [00:45:11] right. They can pass for they can be Latino, they can be Latin, they can they can finally go to Eastern Europe and fit in. They can even look Russian if you need them to. So I think I love that theory.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:45:21] Isn't this the isn't this the story for Black Widow instead of Russian?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:45:25] Right, right, right, right. Exactly.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:45:27] Okay. What do you think, Jennifer?

Jennifer Field: [00:45:28] I think this is reaching this one is fun. I think it's too much. No, no,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:45:34] I hope its too much. 

Jennifer Field: [00:45:35] Cannibalism. It's just more of that QAnon thing. Yeah. Come on. Now.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:45:39] Okay.

Jennifer Field: [00:45:39] Yeah. Fun fodder, but no.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:45:43] Well, I think. I think when you go cannibalism, that's where you take it a step too far.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:45:48] It was fine before that. And then the cannibalism part became too much.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:45:51] But now I love cat's theory. They're like that. They're just spies.

Jennifer Field: [00:45:55] If you're not following us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, you guys and gals are missing out on additional content that you won't want to miss. We've got events and giveaways, announcements, and the opportunity to let us and our fans hear your stories. Absolutely true facts and. Crazy, but totally legit theories. Find our socials on our website or search for the unofficial official story podcast. Thank you Cat Ce for coming on with us. Such a pleasure to have you here. So please tell us more about where people can follow you. You know, your sites, your handles, all all the good stuff.

Cat Ce: [00:46:38] Thank you, Jennifer. This is a favorite part of this podcast today to tell people, follow me. That's the whole reason I came today. I'm just joking. That's our generation. It's about following, right? Yes. You guys can follow me on Instagram. Tik Tok Official Cate C I occasionally use Twitter as well to prove I'm still reading something.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:47:01] One thing I do want to mention before we end this episode, this episode was if it sounded different, I didn't write it. I usually write all the episodes, but this year we're lucky to have two wonderful interns and the next couple of episodes are going to be written by them. So, Eduardo, you wanna come over here and say hello real quick?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:47:16] Great job.

Eduardo Paez: [00:47:17] What's up? My name is Eduardo. I'm an intern for Koji and I'm from LA and we're keeping it LA strong here.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:47:26] Did that feel like big dick energy to you guys. I'm just going to say. All right.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:47:33] Well, Koji if if people ever have to say to you, oh, you have big, dick energy, too, that's not really a big dick Energy to. Make.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:47:40] Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I if I have to, like, encourage people to say, yeah, you're right, I'm going to have to if I pay them, it's okay. Right.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:47:48] As long as we don't see it.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:47:49] Yeah. Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:47:50] Okay.

Jennifer Field: [00:47:50] Thank you all so much for listening. There are millions of podcasts out there and we're so honored you've chosen ours to listen to. So thank you. If it's your first time tuning in or if you're a regular listener, we appreciate it. Keep the ratings up. Keep the reviews up on on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, all that. We also have a website. Unofficial official, Story dot com. Our show notes are there and you can hear our past episodes. Be sure to come back next month. We're going to find out the answer. This is probably going to be Koji's favorite episode ever. Who killed Tupac?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:48:26] This is going to be the best episode we've ever done in our entire show history.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:48:30] This is this is going to be a good one.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:48:32] All right. Well, thank you, guys. Bye. 

Cat Ce: [00:48:34] Bye.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:48:34] Bye Bye.

Jennifer Field: [00:48:35] Bye. Bye.