S4E10 Cartoon Crush Confessions and Pooh's Profound Parables FINAL MIX & MASTER

Dwayne Perkins: [00:00:00] If you could make love to any fictional character, animal or human, who would it be?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:05] Oh, this is easy. Nala from The Lion King I was super attracted to her because she was like. She was very supportive of Simba and understanding of his mental issues.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:00:14] And now help me out. Is this an animal or is it a person?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:17] It's a lion.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:00:18] Okay, okay.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:18] Yeah, it's a female lion.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:00:19] That's what I was thinking.

Adam Yenser: [00:00:20] While she's still a lion, Not a human version.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:23] I would be, I would be a lion too. I'd be the male lion.

Adam Yenser: [00:00:26] Okay. You'd be a lion.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:00:27] Oh, okay. Okay. That that helps.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:29] But what I liked about it was that she was very. She believed in him even when he didn't believe in himself.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:00:35] Mhm.

Cat Alvarado: [00:00:35] This is really an emotional connection you have with Nala.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:38] Yeah. I mean I'm not just into the person's body. I'm also there's a, there's an emotional mental. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:00:43] Emotional connection. Totally. Well mine is only about body because it's definitely Gaston. I was gonna say beast which is great because he's like the nicer one, right? He's got the good personality. But I was like, is that authentic to me and my pattern? And know my pattern is Gaston. I always date Gaston. It's it's why I have trauma, you guys.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:01:05] Wow.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:01:06] I would say try something different, but you did that with your restaurant choice today and didn't work out.

Cat Alvarado: [00:01:09] Didn't work out?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:01:10] Yes. Oh wow. Well, I kind of want to say Xenia the Princess warrior, but I don't know if that's. I mean, she's fictional, but you can just say the actress. Uh, what's her name? Lucy lawless. So I'm going to go, um. Jennifer. Jennifer rabbit, is that it? Jessica rabbit? Jessica. Jessica rabbit, that's it.

Cat Alvarado: [00:01:28] Yeah. Jennifer Rabbit is from the block,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:01:30] Right? Right. Jessica. Jessica rabbit, would you think about Jessica Rabbit? That feels like. You know, that'd be great. I would I would not be a cartoon. I just want to clarify that.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:01:40] Okay,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:01:41] But you could also hook up with the, uh, what's her name? Christina from Mad Men. I think that's sort of like,

Cat Alvarado: [00:01:46] Oh,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:01:46] You could you could make your you could kind of squint and feel like it's Jessica Rabbit, if you like.

Cat Alvarado: [00:01:51] For some reason I thought you meant, like children's characters specifically. No. It could be adult characters from fiction that changes everything.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:02:00] Yeah,

Adam Yenser: [00:02:00] Well. I noticed there's any fictional character. It meant animated, though, right? I feel like everyone picked animated. That's how I took it for some reason. What I took it to mean.

Cat Alvarado: [00:02:08] Okay. Real life people, characters.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:02:11] It should be animated.

Cat Alvarado: [00:02:12] Animated. Okay,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:02:13] I say Jessica Rabbit.

Cat Alvarado: [00:02:14] Yeah. Jessica, stick to animated.

Adam Yenser: [00:02:15] I'm just impressed with how confidently you answered this. When I Read the script. I feel like everyone knows immediately who it be, but there's no right. There's no way to, like, say it without feeling like a creep.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:02:26] Right, right.

Adam Yenser: [00:02:27] I feel like I feel like I'd probably go with like. Like Lola Bunny from the, uh, Space Jam. Uh, the female bunny from Space Jam, you know.

Cat Alvarado: [00:02:34] Were you angry when they made her? Like it was a less sexualized in the new version?

Adam Yenser: [00:02:38] I don't even know that they rebooted it.

Cat Alvarado: [00:02:40] Yeah, they rebooted it.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:02:41] Lebron James.

Adam Yenser: [00:02:41] The old original, super sexy Lola Bunny.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:02:45] Why? Because she was good at basketball or.

Adam Yenser: [00:02:47] No, because there's there's no emotional connection here.

Cat Alvarado: [00:02:52] It's strictly physical.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:02:53] I was trying to help you.

Adam Yenser: [00:02:54] No, the thing is. No, I just feel like. Like it's a question I think everybody has thought about, but I feel like it's always a creepy question to answer in any way.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:03:02] I didn't think it creepy at all. No. And in fact, my number two is Pam from Archer.

Adam Yenser: [00:03:08] You've got a whole list.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:03:09] Before she lost the weight.

Adam Yenser: [00:03:10] Where do I start? There's a whole. You've got a whole document of cartoon characters you've been waiting to sleep with.

Cat Alvarado: [00:03:15] Okay. When it comes to emotional attraction, the dad from Finding Nemo. Nice.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:03:20] Very nice.

Adam Yenser: [00:03:22] Now, is he a fish? Do you like eggs? Then he comes and just.

Cat Alvarado: [00:03:25] And that one? We are both fish.

Adam Yenser: [00:03:26] Yes, the eggs afterwards.

Cat Alvarado: [00:03:28] Purely an emotional thing.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:03:30] Very nice.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:03:35] All right. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is season four, episode ten of the award winning unofficial official story. I am Koji.

Cat Alvarado: [00:03:41] I'm Cat.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:03:42] And I'm Dwayne.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:03:43] This is where we tell you the official story. We look at the paranormal conspiracies, unexplained phenomena, cryptids and true crime. And by the end, we'll tell you what really maybe happened.

Cat Alvarado: [00:03:55] Please consider writing a review of our show on the platform you're using to listen to this podcast. We know it's a pain in the butt, but it goes a long way in helping the show. It helps us reach new listeners, grow our show, and most importantly, it enables us to keep putting out the content that we hope you enjoy.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:04:11] For those of you who don't know, this month is the birthday of creator of Winnie the Pooh, A.A. Milne. So today we will be asking if Milne created Winnie the Pooh as an allegory for mental illness.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:22] Is that how you say the name? I don't know.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:04:23] I looked it up, and that's how the one video I saw on YouTube, the guy said it.

Adam Yenser: [00:04:28] That's what I was doing, my research. He watched one video, like 300 subscribers, to be correct.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:04:36] And he had an English accent. So I was like, yeah, this is this guy knows.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:40] But before we begin, let's introduce our guests for the second time this season. Adam Yenser, how are you?

Adam Yenser: [00:04:45] I've been great. I've been, uh, been doing good.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:47] And you survived the fires.

Adam Yenser: [00:04:48] I survived the fires. My my neighborhood was safe, thankfully. Um, I did get two of those false evacuation Warnings and then they corrected them. I missed a stand up gig because of one of them. I was on my way to Palm Springs and I kind of thought my neighborhood was safe. The closest one I'm in North Hollywood, so the closest one was Runyon, but it was like on the other side of the hills, and I was on my way to Palm Springs for a gig, and I got that, like evacuation warning, and I'm like, I gotta go back and grab some stuff. So I turned around, canceled the gig, drove a half hour back, and as soon as I got home, it was like, oh, it was a fake. False. False warning.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:05:20] Right, right.

Adam Yenser: [00:05:21] Um, yeah. So I've been okay though, but I it's it's crazy, I know. And all the fires in all the years I've lived out here, 16 years, I've never known a single person who's actually lost a house. I know seven people.

Cat Alvarado: [00:05:31] Seven people. Oh my gosh.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:05:33] I tell people the same thing. Like, usually you watch the news, flood, fire, mudslides, whatever, and you kind of like, where is that? I'm not sure where that is. I kind of know where that is. Yeah. You're looking at the news. You're like, no, that's I've, I've driven past that 20 times. It's it's definitely. 

Adam Yenser: [00:05:47] All those restaurants on uh, the PCH in Malibu. And you also watch where it's like it's in Malibu. They'll contain it and then it's like, oh, now it's made it here, now it's made it here now Encino is evacuated. You're like.

Cat Alvarado: [00:05:58] Yeah, it was terrifying when I saw it. Like going up the hill towards the valley, that edge. Because the valley is so residential, you feel like it's just going to whip across the whole thing if it gets there.

Adam Yenser: [00:06:08] Yeah.

Cat Alvarado: [00:06:08] So I was seeing an inch up the hill and, like closer and closer to where I am, which is kind of near North Hollywood, right on the other side of those hills. And I was like, wow, it went from the beach to there. I really did not think it would go that far, and yet it did. Also, I was at Temescal Canyon hiking like right before the fires broke out. I'm so sad it's gone now.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:06:26] Yeah, I mean, we I took my boys for my baseball team and we actually hiked in Chancery Flats, which is in San Gabriels, and that just opened after the last fire, like it took like 3 or 4 years to open, and they just opened the ranger station and redid the roads, and now it's all gone again. And I'm like, oh my God. We were just we were just there.

Adam Yenser: [00:06:43] Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:06:43] And now it's all gone again. It's crazy.

Adam Yenser: [00:06:45] Yeah, it's weird how it's burning hiking places like Pacific Palisades. I used to do Paseo Miramar and then I'm like, oh, well, that's burning now. And then the next one was Eaton Canyon, and Canyon, and I used to hike at Eaton Canyon and it was like, Now Runyon is on fire. I'm like, what's what's going on? Maybe you're starting in all the places I used to hike.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:07:00] What a coincidence.

Adam Yenser: [00:07:02] Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:07:02] Everywhere you go, there's. 

Adam Yenser: [00:07:03] As I. As I put a blowtorch under. No, I don't even know if that's funny at this point. Yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:07:09] Well, that's the thing with the 24 hour news cycle is like, you think, oh, we're going to find out what happened. That makes it less likely to find out what happened. Because. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:07:17] It's just gonna get buried.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:07:18] Everyone's just gonna scream different things.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:07:20] Well, they did catch that one guy, right? Who was trying to.

Cat Alvarado: [00:07:22] Kenneth fire. Yeah, but then they let him go.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:07:24] Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:07:25] Yeah. Which is.

Adam Yenser: [00:07:25] Yeah. Because they said he had a blowtorch, but he didn't actually start a fire, so they couldn't, like, charge him with arson or something because he wasn't, like, caught actually doing it.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:07:33] Whenever they, whenever those kind of things happen, it's like, okay, do something to someone famous and show up with a blowtorch. Like, and don't do it. They'll come up with they'll find a way to charge you with something. You know what I mean? Like, that's. I understand if he didn't do it yet, but that makes me think of that movie where they charge you, uh, for. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:07:50] Minority Report.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:07:51] Yeah.

Adam Yenser: [00:07:52] Yes.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:07:52] Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:07:53] Before you did it.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:07:54] Right? Right. So it's just a whole sad thing.

Cat Alvarado: [00:07:56] It is. It's, uh. It's our nine 11. La's nine  11 is what a lot of people are saying.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:08:01] Just not as many people died, though.

Cat Alvarado: [00:08:03] That's true. Only 24. Maybe if we had just as many people die, people would be, like a bit more sympathetic. And instead, because it's just houses, they're like, ah, you suck.

Adam Yenser: [00:08:10] I've witnessed mostly sympathy from it, like on on social media and stuff. Every now and then there's people that are like, oh, f the rich, the privileged people and the yeah, they.

Cat Alvarado: [00:08:20] They saw a little of that.

Adam Yenser: [00:08:21] But but I, I've seen way more empathy and support. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:08:25] But even like,

Cat Alvarado: [00:08:26] That's good.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:08:26] But even like the Republicans were like saying they're not going to give us aid unless we change some law or it's probably about trans women or something. But in sports. But like we were before we got here,

Adam Yenser: [00:08:35] I want us to get aid and them to change the law about trans women in sports.. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:08:42] Well, no, they were saying like.

Cat Alvarado: [00:08:43] All seven of those trans women in sports. Really need.

Adam Yenser: [00:08:46] Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:08:46] But what was interesting to me was that, you know, after nine 11, we were all New Yorkers.

Adam Yenser: [00:08:52] Yeah,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:08:52] It was a thing, right? But. 

Adam Yenser: [00:08:54] Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:08:54] I don't I don't get that same feeling. I mean, a lot of like, granted, I read like YouTube comments and Twitter comments and that and so a lot of what I'm reading is like, Fuck California, they deserve it. They're they're this, they're that. So to me, it's sad because we're all Americans. Yeah, we're all in the same country.

Adam Yenser: [00:09:08] I honestly haven't seen that much like negative commentary. I've seen mostly, mostly support. But yeah,

Cat Alvarado: [00:09:15] Yeah. Let's get started.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:09:16] All right. Let's jump into this topic. For those of you who don't know who Winnie the Pooh is, here's a quick summary. Winnie the Pooh is a character created in 1921 by A.A.. How do you say his name?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:09:26] I think it's Milne.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:09:27] Milne. Okay. And E.H. Shepard. The character is an anthropomorphic teddy bear who is usually seen with his friends Tigger. Piglet. Rabbit. Owl. Kanga. Or is it Kanga.

Cat Alvarado: [00:09:38] Kanga,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:09:39] Kanga. And Roo. Tigger, Eeyore, Piglet, Kanga and Roo are based on the toys of Milne's son, Christopher Robin, whereas Owl and Rabbit were created from the author's imagination. That's a lot of lot of information.

Cat Alvarado: [00:09:51] One thing a lot of people don't know about A.A. Milne is that there are a lot of Ikea furniture pieces named after him. Okay, I'm pretty sure my bed is a milne. All right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:02] Your bed's a MILF.

Cat Alvarado: [00:10:03] A milne. Kanga actually, also might be a dresser line from from Ikea.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:11] The funniest thing about MILFs in porn is that, like, you're either like a teen or a MILF. There's like no,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:10:18] There's no, like, age appropriate woman opens the door and see what happens.

Cat Alvarado: [00:10:23] Oh, I think in between they just have a name.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:25] No, no.

Cat Alvarado: [00:10:25] Like this is Andrea.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:27] Literally all the MILFs are 25 years old.

Cat Alvarado: [00:10:28] What?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:29] Because they're like.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:10:30] Oh, they can be moms.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:30] Yeah, well, they're moms, but they're like 25.

Cat Alvarado: [00:10:32] I guess it's because, like, the most popular states for, for porn are like Arkansas. And that's where women are MILFs at 25.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:41] Okay. Let's go.

Cat Alvarado: [00:10:43] Okay.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:10:45] We didn't verify that, but we just. Yes,

Cat Alvarado: [00:10:47] This is based off something I saw on BuzzFeed like six years ago. Might be out of date. Anyways. To help us prepare for this episode, we read two. We read two articles.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:59] Damn, that's a lot of articles.

Adam Yenser: [00:11:00] That's a lot of research.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:11:01] That's a lot of more. That's more than one article.

Cat Alvarado: [00:11:03] It's that's all the articles I read per year. Okay. The rest are BuzzFeed lists. Anywho, to help us prepare for this episode, we read two articles. The first was from the National Library of Medicine titled pathology in the Hundred Acre Wood A Neurodevelopmental Pathology in the Hundred Acre Wood A Neurodevelopmental Perspective on A.A. Milne. And the second one is from Time, and it's called the True Story Behind Winnie the Pooh and Goodbye, Christopher Robin. Both articles provide insight into mental disorders that many Winnie the Pooh characters have, along with the possible connections to Milne. We think you all should read these articles. We put a link to them in the show notes.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:48] Some of the main reasons that people believe Milne created these characters was due to his son creating voices for his toys, whereas others believe he created them. Due to his visit to the London Zoo, in which he saw a bear named Winnie.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:12:01] Starting with the Time article, which says although there is no direct evidence that Milne suffered from what we commonly know now as PTSD, his experiences during the war weighed heavily on him. In his autobiography, It's Too Late Now, Milne wrote that it made him almost physically sick to think of the nightmare of mental and moral degradation. The war. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:12:22] That checks out. It's too late now sounds very much like something a depressed person would say.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:12:27] So, by the way, do you know that's why there are so many serial killers from the 70s and 80s?

Cat Alvarado: [00:12:31] Oh, because of the war?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:12:31] Yeah, because of the war. These people came back with PTSD. It was World War two,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:12:36] World War two.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:12:36] They were undiagnosed. And then they raised kids in households where the people were undiagnosed with PTSD. And it's not a coincidence that like a spike of serial killers were 70s, 80s. I mean.

Cat Alvarado: [00:12:47] So because so their parents gave them a lot of like trauma. And there was like probably a lot of abuse in the home.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:12:52] So so more boomers are going to be serial killers because of the sort of mental illness.

Cat Alvarado: [00:12:57] Yeah, I guess so, yeah. Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:12:58] That's basically what it was. Yeah. I think about the time period. If today if we had like eight, nine, ten serial killers, there were up to 100 in the 1970s at one time roaming around America, killing people.

Cat Alvarado: [00:13:10] Thinking just Los Angeles. There was something like 40 in the late 70s.

Adam Yenser: [00:13:14] But I feel like you guys would do a whole other episode about this. Just did did World War Two cause the spike Serial killers in the 70s?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:13:21] But I mean, could you imagine? I mean, just Son of Sam, you know, like Ted Bundy, the, uh, the. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:13:27] Richard Ramirez?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:13:28] Well, no, he's 80s though, but Like, like All of them were like the Hillside Strangler, the Zodiac. Those were all the same time.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:13:34] So were they born late? Late? Uh, early 50s. Late 40s.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:13:39] Yeah, they were boomers. Yeah. And they were like they came from a trauma household. I mean, it's not even. It's not even a conspiracy. It's a like the people believe this as a fact.

Cat Alvarado: [00:13:47] Yeah. Charles Manson also had a lot of trauma.

Adam Yenser: [00:13:49] Netflix capitalizes on all these stories, so you could take it even further and say, Did World War Two cause the rise of dominance of Netflix entertainment?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:14:00] Which which inherently destroyed the movie industry?

Adam Yenser: [00:14:03] Did World War Two put blockbuster out of business?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:06] Right, right, right. I love it.

Adam Yenser: [00:14:08] Before Blockbuster was ever invented.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:10] I love it. Netflix is the great disruptor.

Adam Yenser: [00:14:13] Yes.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:14] Who disrupted everything just to now have commercials again?

Adam Yenser: [00:14:17] Yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:18] I'm not saying they have it yet, but it's coming.

Cat Alvarado: [00:14:21] Anyways, so here we see Milne writing about his experiences during his time serving in World War One.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:14:27] Can we call him Melanie?

Cat Alvarado: [00:14:28] Melanie.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:14:28] I like Melanie.

Cat Alvarado: [00:14:29] Melanie.

Adam Yenser: [00:14:29] The good thing is, however, we if we mispronounce it, people on YouTube don't really care if you said something wrong. They're not going to write thousands of comments.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:38] Right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:14:38] And if they did, our algorithm goes higher. Anyway.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:42] You could say I like Monet, but.

Adam Yenser: [00:14:44] We'll each pick a different way to way to say.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:47] Yeah, let's do that. So you want to go with Melanie?

Cat Alvarado: [00:14:49] I'll go with Melanie.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:51] Which one do you want to go Melanie too.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:14:52] I'll go Monaynay.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:54] Okay. And I'll go. Uh, Monet.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:14:56] Monet.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:56] One of us should say it, right. Uh, I'll go Milhn.

Cat Alvarado: [00:14:59] Okay, okay.

Adam Yenser: [00:15:00] I'll Miolne. I'll stick a long I in there. There's an E at the end. That's how grammar works, right? 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:15:06] It's crazy. I really did look this up. And you talk about the algorithm because I looked this up and I didn't look up, like how to pronounce his name. I just looked up a little video on him. But then to the side, how to speak with an English accent came up and like, um, it was just the word. It's just a T. So it's like, English is like you pronounce the t in American English, the t becomes a fast D, and in London English the t. You don't even say, you just kind of swallow it. So I'm not great with accents, but like a better she said, a better, a better bag of biscuits or something like that. And so English is like a better bag of biscuits, you know, or whatever it was. And then English, a better bag of biscuits. In American English. And in, uh, London. It's about a bag of biscuits, you know. So it was a lot of fun. So anyway,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:15:55] That was a lot.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:15:56] It was. I just looked at it. Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:15:58] Okay.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:15:58] I'm sorry.

Cat Alvarado: [00:15:59] Maybe we should all watch it and then come back and do another episode. Just all of us of the London accent. It'll be like My Fair Lady. Anyways, so here we see Melanie writing about his experiences during his time serving in World War one. Not only this, but the article states he referred to a trip in the insect house at the zoo with Christopher Robin, where the sight of the monstrous inmates triggered a sense of discomfort. I could imagine a spider or a millipede being so horrible that that in its presence I should die of disgust, he wrote. It seems impossible to me now that any sensitive man could live through another war, if not required to die in other ways, he would waste away of soul sickness.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:16:39] What's interesting about that is like, it sounds like he saw a spider or something, and he imagined it way bigger or something. And certain patterns really gross me out. Like I can't even look at them. You know what I mean? And I don't tell people because I don't want them to be able to control me by showing me those patterns. Um.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:16:55] Like when you say patterns, what do you mean?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:16:57] Certain? Like, mainly.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:16:58] It's like, bah bah bah bah bah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:17:00] No, no. Like how things look under a microscope. I just can't, I can't like not everything, but certain sort of patterns.

Cat Alvarado: [00:17:07] So could I control you by, like, having a picture and just, like, showing and being like, ah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:17:11] Well, it would, it would just gross me out and I would have to turn away, you know what I mean?

Adam Yenser: [00:17:14] I don't know if it's a pattern, but there's a specific fear where it's like things that have, like, holes.

Cat Alvarado: [00:17:18] Holes? Oh, yeah. I have a friend who has that.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:17:20] Oh, God. Oh, God.

Adam Yenser: [00:17:22] Complicated name for it. He can't like lotus pods, like little holes in them.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:17:25] I like eating, um, a. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:17:27] Vagina.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:17:28] No. Well, yeah. I mean. Um,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:17:32] Sorry.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:17:32] Begrudgingly, but yeah. No, no, not begrudgingly. I'm happy. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:17:36] That has a giant holes.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:17:37] Then I'm happy to do it. No, but like Jessica Rabbit. Like a rice cake. Like a it's a health thing.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:17:43] Like a mochi. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:17:43] Rice cake with hummus. And I put olives on top, right. But just random pattern. If someone. A friend of mine made me that. But the olives were in a certain pattern and I was like, huh? You gotta. You gotta rearrange it. Take the olives off. It's. I know it sounds crazy. But. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:17:56] My thing is, like, I have a I have a weird phobia of putting my penis in things.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:18:00] Like, you don't want to do it.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:18:01] Yeah, I always think, like, I think there's, like, a giant hole in the wall. I'm like, if I put my penis in there, it'd be bad.

Cat Alvarado: [00:18:05] I think that's just common sense.

Adam Yenser: [00:18:07] Here's the thing, though. How are you ever gonna find out what's on the other side? I know that's how I investigate life.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:18:14] That's actually one of the rules I told my son was that you never put your finger in something that you wouldn't put your penis in.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:18:21] Mhm. Good point, good point. I'm just picturing like, a rainbow. Like. You know, like the more you know those commercials. Just a rainbow, a star going across the screen. Put your dick in it, you know, just.

Cat Alvarado: [00:18:32] Oh God.

Adam Yenser: [00:18:36] I think his fear is interesting because I as a kid liked the like, insect house. I thought it was interesting to see all the bugs. All the spiders always freak me out. I've always had a fear of spiders.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:18:44] Yeah, yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:18:46] Keep in mind that Milnaynays's autobiography was written in 1939, 18 years after he created Winnie the Pooh.

Cat Alvarado: [00:18:53] Mm. Let's look at the other article now. Uh, looking at this one, we can see that each character has something listed about them. Starting off with Winnie the Pooh. We have Pooh's preservation on food and his repetitive counting behaviors raising the diagnostic possibility of obsessive compulsive disorder. This one makes a lot of sense. Every time I see Winnie the Pooh, he seems to be obsessed with eating honey.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:19:14] I mean, that's one of his key characteristics is.

Cat Alvarado: [00:19:17] Yeah. No, it's weird because usually the script is like, here's information. And then my opinion is my opinion. And I'm like, wait a second. He's telling me my opinion.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:19:30] No, but.

Adam Yenser: [00:19:31] Less work for you, right?

Cat Alvarado: [00:19:33] I guess. Um, no, but he does have this fixation on food, and his repetitive counting behaviors raised the possibility of him being OCD, which I guess that checks out because he has the obsession with honey. Also, maybe that's autism. They have obsessions with things, I think from from what I know. Um, maybe not honey, but trains.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:19:52] Did he Get vaccinated? I'm just kidding.

Cat Alvarado: [00:19:56] Um, but, yeah, like his his love of honey. But you know what? I have foods that I love to eat. Like chocolate. So that doesn't make me OCD or autistic, does it?

Adam Yenser: [00:20:05] But he was kind of obsessive. Yeah, but really, like, you know.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:20:08] Yeah. Did you sell your VCR to get honey.

Adam Yenser: [00:20:10] On a balloon? Trying to get honey.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:20:12] Right, right.

Adam Yenser: [00:20:13] Like. Like how a crackhead pursues crack. He pursued honey.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:20:16] Wow. That's that's going a little far.

Cat Alvarado: [00:20:19] Yeah. Also, like, I don't run around, you know, with pants off trying to get chocolate. Like, I always have my pants on when I get chocolate.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:20:27] So there's a lot there.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:20:29] Let's just let's just keep reading. Um. Yeah. No, I see what you mean. This article also talks about Piglet stating Poor, anxious, blushing, flustered little piglet. He clearly suffers from a generalized anxiety disorder. Had he been appropriately assessed and his condition diagnosed when he was young, he might have been placed on on an anti panic agent such as paroxetine. I'm not sure if I'm saying it right. And been saved from the emotional trauma he experienced while attempting to trap Heffalumps, which that's the thing he traps, I guess.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:21:03] I don't know what that is do you know?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:05] It's just, uh, you know,

Cat Alvarado: [00:21:06] Isn't that what Fergie has from the Black Eyed Peas. I don't know.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:09] Oh, lovely lady lumps. Well, maybe. Yeah,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:21:11] Like a vagina.

Cat Alvarado: [00:21:12] What? No. Oh, God.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:21:14] Sorry.

Cat Alvarado: [00:21:15] You need to spend some quality time with your wife. I think it's been a while.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:21:19] Well, you Said what a lady has. And what a lady has is different than a boy is a vagina.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:24] She. But she's talking about her lovely lady. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:21:27] Lumps.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:27] Yeah.

Cat Alvarado: [00:21:28] Boobs or butt?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:21:29] Boys have Boobs.

Cat Alvarado: [00:21:31] Oh, okay.

Adam Yenser: [00:21:32] Weren't the heffalumps, like, floating, like, elephant kind of creatures or something? They were in some I remember from there was some ride. I feel like at one point where point where they had the song about Heffalumps in it.

Cat Alvarado: [00:21:41] The Heffalump song.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:43] Failed to look up, but um, yeah, that sounds right.

Adam Yenser: [00:21:47] It was like heffalumps and Woozles or something. There was two different, like creatures. I thought they were part of it.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:52] Yeah, a Heffalump is sort of like a pink elephant.

Adam Yenser: [00:21:55] Yeah,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:56] Yeah, yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:57] Wow.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:57] In the room.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:21:58] Got it. Okay. For owl. The article states our neurodevelopmental group agrees that about poor owl, obviously bright but dyslexic, his poignant attempts to cover up for his phonological deficits are similar to what we see day in and day out in others so afflicted. If only his condition had been identified early and he received more intensive support. Wow. Okay.

Cat Alvarado: [00:22:19] For Kanga and Roo, the article states Kanga is known to be somewhat overprotective. Could her possessiveness of Roo relate to a previous run in with social services? What? I don't like this article. This. I'm not into it. We worry about the environment in which he's developing. Roo is growing up in a single parent household. Which puts them, puts them at high risk for poor outcome. Um, I disagree, but I think if I had to diagnose them, it might be something like codependency.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:22:46] Codependency? Yeah.

Cat Alvarado: [00:22:47] Yeah,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:22:47] I could see that. Uh, for rabbit, the article states we note his tendency to be extraordinarily self-important and his odd belief system that he has a great many relations, many of other species and friends. He seems to have an overriding need to organize others, often against their will, into new groupings, with himself always at the top of the reporting structure.

Cat Alvarado: [00:23:08] So narcissist.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:09] Narcissist,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:10] Narcissist. Or just HR? Um.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:12] What's HR?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:14] Like? He should have worked in HR.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:15] He should have Worked in HR okay.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:16] But also I think.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:17] Sorry. I'm slow.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:18] He's he's a he's a rabbit. And, you know, rabbits hook up a lot. So that that. That confidence may just be coming from the fact that.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:26] Well is this. Wait.

Cat Alvarado: [00:23:27] He just is a rabbit. Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:28] Is this why you wanted Jennifer Rabbit or Jenny Rabbit or whatever?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:32] I didn't think about it that until just now, but yeah. Full circle.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:34] Yeah. Full circle. Yes. Jessica Rabbit. There you go.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:38] There you go. Jessica rabbit,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:39] Not Jennifer rabbit.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:40] Who Framed Roger rabbit is the, uh, movie. Because, you know, it was like, it's not a kid movie, so let's continue.

Adam Yenser: [00:23:46] Oh, good. We didn't talk about having sex with cartoon characters enough yet.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:49] Right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:50] Yeah. I mean, if I were if I were gay, I would have hooked up with Roger rabbit. Because he was very excited or something, I don't know. Let's go.

Cat Alvarado: [00:24:02] No, who I Really like is anger from inside Out.

Adam Yenser: [00:24:05] That's a lot to unpack.

Cat Alvarado: [00:24:10] Okay, uh, last but not least, the article talks about Tigger. Our clinical group has its own debate about what the best medication for Tigger might be. Some of us have argued that his behaviors occur in a context of obvious hyperactivity and impulsivity, which would suggest a need for stimulant medication, and I guess, an ADHD diagnosis. The one about Tigger makes a lot of sense, considering the fact that he's usually bouncing around and hyperactive.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:24:35] Now that we have all that information, it's time to ponder the question is Winnie the Pooh an allegory for mental illness? When we return, we'll settle this once and for all and find out what. Maybe what? We'll find out what maybe really happened or something like that. Let's go. I never do these these transitions, so it's all different for me. And now that we've reviewed the evidence, let's give our theories. Why did A.A. Milnaynay create Winnie the Pooh?

Cat Alvarado: [00:25:02] Okay, so before we go into that, I just want to say that I don't think this is what an allegory is. And I'm pretty sure an allegory is like a story that has a lesson and it's like, symbolic. I kind of feel like this is more just like a metaphor. What would we call it?

Adam Yenser: [00:25:19] They're representations of.

Cat Alvarado: [00:25:20] Representations. Yeah.

Adam Yenser: [00:25:22] Mental health issue or mental disorder.

Cat Alvarado: [00:25:25] Mhm. So I would I would be hesitant to call it an allegory.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:25:28] Well if he did it on purpose. But what if he didn't do it on purpose then it's like.

Cat Alvarado: [00:25:32] Well it's possible he. 

Adam Yenser: [00:25:32] Just like the question is kind of just. Did he intend them to each represent a different right, a different mentality?

Cat Alvarado: [00:25:38] So this is basically like inside out but the the prequel.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:25:41] Yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:25:41] Right. Right.

Cat Alvarado: [00:25:42] Okay, I. Have a theory. I think that Milne knew a bunch of people in his neighborhood. They all had really like quirky personalities, and he happened to choose each a different one to represent these characters for his storybook. It just so happened that they each had a different mental illness, so it was accidental. He just happened to know a lot of mentally ill people.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:03] From the war. Because of the war?

Cat Alvarado: [00:26:04] From the War? Yeah, sure. Or also because nobody had medication yet. So everybody was really mentally ill back then.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:10] Okay, so Milnaynay was the first fur furry.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:26:13] Okay. Like people who dress up in animal Costumes.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:16] Yeah. So all the people that he talks about are just people from the community. That wore costumes as well. So like rabbit was rabbit, a rabbit, a piglet was piglet and so on.

Cat Alvarado: [00:26:28] And also, like Eeyore, was a donkey friend who also was depressed. They were depressed person, but they were a donkey. You really need to spend some quality time with your wife. Everything goes back to that with you tonight. Koji

Dwayne Perkins: [00:26:40] Let me ask you. Well, which which one was self representative of of him, of Milne.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:44] I think he was like, you know, I mean I've never been to a fur party, but there's probably people who are.

Adam Yenser: [00:26:49] No one accused you of that.

Cat Alvarado: [00:26:50] You're the one who keeps bringing it up, Koji.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:55] I mean, I Wasn't really there. I was just observing. No, but the way I.

Adam Yenser: [00:26:58] Looking in the window.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:27:00] The way I imagined these things, is that there's people also there who are into people who are furries. And so he was one of the guys that had, like, he wanted to have sex with people who were dressed up as furries, but he wasn't actually a furry himself.

Adam Yenser: [00:27:12] I bet there was a word for that. Like how there's a word for like different roles in, like, the gay community and different stuff. I bet you in the furry world there's a role for someone who wants to be a human, but0. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:27:21] Maybe they call them straight. Like they mean straight, but straight like a human who doesn't dress up as an animal.

Adam Yenser: [00:27:26] I bet there's a term for that,

Cat Alvarado: [00:27:27] Probably.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:27:27] It's like. It's kind of like bestiality, but not really. 

Adam Yenser: [00:27:29] The Milnaynay.

Cat Alvarado: [00:27:32] You know What? There's a way we could ask. We can just ask, like ChatGPT or something. Uh, what do you call. Should we. Should we go up?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:27:40] We could ask that.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:27:40] Sure, sure.

Cat Alvarado: [00:27:41] What do you call someone who likes to have sex with furries? But uh,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:27:53] Not dress up As a furry, though.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:27:55] Oh, I have something here. It's actually really close to his name. Let's see what ChatGPT comes up with. Google has, uh, given me something.

Cat Alvarado: [00:28:03] Okay. Let's see. This is actually not ChatGPT. It's Claude AI.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:28:09] Oh. I'm sorry.

Cat Alvarado: [00:28:09] So, you know, Claude is better.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:28:11] Respect, Claude.

Cat Alvarado: [00:28:12] Um. I had to give credit where credit's due. A person attracted to furries or fursonas, while not participating in Fursuiting themselves, might be considered an admirer of the furry fandom or a furry ally. The furry community uses various terms for different levels of interest and participation, but I'd encourage focusing on mutual respect and consent in any relationship dynamic rather than specific labels.

Adam Yenser: [00:28:39] Is participation called furnicating?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:28:42] Yeah. What's crazy is That you just asked what it is, and she's like, you know, respect everyone.

Cat Alvarado: [00:28:50] That's what I like about Claude. It like, adds on a little bit extra every time.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:28:54] The AI overview on Google says a non-furry furry lover is typically referred to as a non furry or mundane.

Adam Yenser: [00:29:02] A mundane.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:29:02] A mundane. I like that.

Cat Alvarado: [00:29:04] Okay. Like BDSM people Call.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:29:06] Oh mundane Milne

Cat Alvarado: [00:29:08] Like vanilla right.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:29:09] Yeah. Vanilla. Yes.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:29:10] That's what they call them?

Cat Alvarado: [00:29:11] Yeah. Someone who's not into BDSM is vanilla.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:29:14] Oh really.

Cat Alvarado: [00:29:14] Or kink at All.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:29:15] They should call them hairballs because that's probably what they get.

Cat Alvarado: [00:29:19] People are not you.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:29:27] And this is what's wrong with America,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:29:30] Right? Right. Too much free time, too much everything.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:29:33] This is why they hate. This is why California burned.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:29:36] Exactly. So I guess my theory is okay. It's a two fold thing. One part of it is not like that crazy. And I think the other part is a little a little off the path. So I think that, um, it's not an allegory per se, like he meant to do this, but I think he suffered a lot of trauma, and I think he wasn't a great like dad from the sense of, like, he didn't know how to love his son. And I think it's like someone who has, um, like, dementia, but there's just certain things that, like, trigger them and then they can be kind of lucid for a little while and then they go back. So I think he was the most lucid he was, was when he was writing. And he had a great talent for writing. So he might have been like borderline lunatic. But when he was writing, it was like it came out really like something that people liked. It came out good. So there was only a hint of his, his craziness. So I think that's one side of it, you know. So he wrote, he was prolific because that was his happy place and he could kind of like at least honor his son, because when they were just sort of like one on one, he was just kind of awkward, right? So there's a way to tap into his, his sanity and at least have something that he feels he could, like leave his son. That's that's good and better than their their day to day interaction. But I think also he was such an anti-war person and a pacifist that the military industrial complex, once they got wind of how his talent as a writer, they just pushed the shit out of this pooh situation. That sounds that sounds that sounds horrific. But yeah, they pushed Pooh. So no, they pushed it because they wanted him to be famous for this and mute his anti-war, um,

Cat Alvarado: [00:31:08] Oh. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:09] Stuff. So that it was like twofold. He really wanted to really, like, be, uh, sort of a activist in terms of, like, making sure we never had war again. But. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:19] Like a Kurt Vonnegut.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:20] Yeah. Like, you know, World War Two happened relatively close to World War One. But he, he, he was always muted. And so he became known as the Winnie the Pooh guy, not the, like, anti-war guy.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:30] Yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:30] So.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:31] Okay.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:31] Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:32] And when did he have sex with the furries?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:33] Uh oh.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:34] Sorry.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:35] Right. At a at a peace rally.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:40] At a peace Rally.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:41] But it's p. Spelled p I e c e a piece of. Fur. Yeah.

Adam Yenser: [00:31:44] Got it. That brings us perfectly to my theory, because I think Milne was a man after my own name.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:50] It took me a while to figure out what. 

Adam Yenser: [00:31:52] Milne was A man after my own nature.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:54] Yes.

Adam Yenser: [00:31:54] And that he was very uncomfortable discussing in public which animated character he liked sexually. It just weirded him out. But he always go to these cocktail parties and neighbor's houses, and he'd, when he's hanging out with his son and his friends, people would keep asking, oh, if you had to have sex with an animated character, who would it be? And he hated it. It just got to him and he said, you know what? I am going to make a cartoon where every single animated character is physically unattractive and has a huge red flag. So it's like one of them is going to be fat and have obsessive compulsive disorder. The other one's is going to be a single mom and be overprotective. The other one is going to be neurotic and run around all the time and have an anxiety disorder. That way, no one can ever, no matter how old they get, they can never sexualize these characters because they have no physical attraction to them, and they can't develop an emotional attraction like you. So he set out to make the most unsexy cartoon characters of all time.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:32:52] Now tell me about the single mom.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:32:57] So he really wanted to stop the war on cartoons.

Adam Yenser: [00:33:00] Yeah, he was like. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:33:01] The war on. 

Adam Yenser: [00:33:02] This. None of these characters will ever be sexual. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:33:04] Jokes on You because I love fat, neurotic men who love honey and don't wear pants.

Adam Yenser: [00:33:13] Somewhere mylne's rolling over in his grave. I assume he's dead by now, right?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:33:16] He's an older man.

Cat Alvarado: [00:33:18] Probably.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:33:18] Yeah. I don't know if he should say that. I feel like our listnership.

Cat Alvarado: [00:33:21] Will Get a lot Of DMs.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:33:22] What?

Cat Alvarado: [00:33:24] No. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:33:25] Teasing listenership. Like, I don't think that describes you at all.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:33:31] All right, so at this point in the show, it's time for us to pick the unofficial story, one that will answer the question once and for all. So which theory do we want to go with? But before we do, let's review who's come up with the most theories this season as of this episode I'm super proud of this. I have three wins.

Adam Yenser: [00:33:48] Nice.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:33:49] Our guest as a whole have three wins. Cat, you have two. So you're behind me. And super, super far away from all of us. Is Dwayne with only one.

Cat Alvarado: [00:33:57] Wow. Dwayne. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:33:58] Rigged.

Cat Alvarado: [00:33:58] Wow.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:33:59] Come on. Dwayne. Yeah. You guys have to catch me. And I'm pretty sure this week I have it. So. So who do we want to? Who wants to go first? Who? Who wants to vote?

Cat Alvarado: [00:34:08] I vote for myself.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:11] Because that's one way to get those numbers up.

Adam Yenser: [00:34:13] You're allowed to open it up by voting for yourself.

Cat Alvarado: [00:34:15] Yeah. I think mine makes the most sense. I also forgot what mine was.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:34:20] Yours was about having sex with furries.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:23] No no, no. Yours was. He knew crazy people.

Cat Alvarado: [00:34:26] Yeah. He was. They were his neighbors and they were all uniquely crazy. And that they're each about one of them,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:31] Which is Kind of like Fat Albert.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:34:32] Yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:32] Bill Cosby, you know, what he did aside, he made Fat Albert because it was like people from his neighborhood, every every character was someone from his neighborhood.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:34:40] Right?

Cat Alvarado: [00:34:41] So you're saying A.A. Milne is like the Bill Cosby of his time?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:46] It's almost like this is his fat Albert, I guess is, uh, is what you're saying?

Cat Alvarado: [00:34:50] Okay. Yeah, sure.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:34:51] Okay. Dwayne. Who are you voting for?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:52] Uh, it's tough. Like, I really do like mine a lot, but I'm gonna vote for Adam's because, um, I think that's amazing. Yeah, I think he didn't want us to sexualize animated characters, but I think it's more like he was trying to. What's the word I'm saying? Like, not make them unattractive, but make them innocent. But I think there's still something there, though.

Cat Alvarado: [00:35:13] There. Um, you know.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:14] I bet if we went on Pornhub, there would be, like, a Winnie the Pooh porn.

Cat Alvarado: [00:35:18] I always thought Piglet was hot.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:19] I don't like that kind of stuff. I don't like when they go too far with it.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:26] Oh, that's too far. That's the moment we went over the line. Before that we were fine but I just wanted to make sure. Okay, I vote for Adam's, too, because I think that his is by far the best. I mean, like the row. When he started talking, I was like, I think the kangaroo is kind of hot, actually.

Adam Yenser: [00:35:41] By trying to desexualize them. I've made half of you attracted to them.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:46] Right. Right. It sounds like. Like Koji that's what you needed to hear more than anything else.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:52] To accept myself.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:54] It was like a version of him pouring cold water on you, you know, because you were getting.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:58] Yeah. That's true.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:59] Yeah, yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:00] Okay.

Cat Alvarado: [00:36:00] Piglet really is, like, the opposite of Gaston. Isn't that crazy? It's, like, gentle and tiny versus, like, a angry mean.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:06] But his penis, his penis is really big though.

Cat Alvarado: [00:36:08] Oh, gosh.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:36:10] Yeah.

Cat Alvarado: [00:36:12] Oh, God. Koji.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:13] Okay, I Adam who are you voting for?

Adam Yenser: [00:36:14] So here's the thing. I was going to. I thought it would be the virtuous thing to do to vote for someone else's. And I was going to vote for Dwayne's. But now that I know you can vote for yourself, I'm voting for mine.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:36:24] You win either way. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You could have actually been virtuous and still won. Like you could have. Yeah.

Adam Yenser: [00:36:29] Virtue is dead at this point in the podcast.

Cat Alvarado: [00:36:32] Look, we already talked about sleeping with our favorite cartoon characters. There's no virtue left in this room.

Adam Yenser: [00:36:37] No, but I did like Dwayne's a lot. But, yeah, I'm gonna vote for myself.

Cat Alvarado: [00:36:41] Okay. I think that makes you the winner, right? Wait, did Koji vote yet?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:44] I voted for his.

Cat Alvarado: [00:36:45] Okay. That makes you the winner Adam.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:36:47] Do you want to change your vote to make it unanimous?

Cat Alvarado: [00:36:49] No.

Adam Yenser: [00:36:50] Okay. Sne's attracted to way too many of these characters.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:36:55] Right?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:56] I was doing some research, and I went on Pornhub. And there is no Winnie the Pooh porn.

Adam Yenser: [00:37:00] There's none on there. Wow.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:01] It says no results found.

Adam Yenser: [00:37:03] Oh, you got to go to the website. No. I'm kidding.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:07] That seems outrageous.

Adam Yenser: [00:37:08] It's not Pornhub.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:11] You. That was. You took a big risk because typing Pooh into a porn site that could take you to a whole different direction that you don't want to go, I don't think. Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:20] Yeah. I'm not into That. Wow. Okay. And that's our official story. We'll take another break, and when we return, we'll be trying to figure out which Winnie the Pooh character is our favorite.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:31] All right. Now that we've had our discussion, which Winnie the Pooh character is most like you and why?

Cat Alvarado: [00:37:38] So for me, I'm either Tigger or I'm Eeyore. Okay. Because sometimes I'm really hyper and I'm all over the place. And then other times I'm extremely depressed. So I can't choose between the two. That's me.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:52] It was interesting, but I was going to say the rabbit because he regulates. But I think I'm actually Winnie the Pooh.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:58] I was gonna say you're Winnie the Pooh.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:59] Yeah, because when I watch Seinfeld, I always feel like I'm Seinfeld. Right? Just because.

Cat Alvarado: [00:38:04] So you think the world revolves around you?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:05] No.

Cat Alvarado: [00:38:06] Really. Strong main character eergy is that.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:09] Well, no. No, but I think what Seinfeld's thing is not that he's the main character, it's just that he's the glue, like everyone else has a stronger personality.

Cat Alvarado: [00:38:17] Okay.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:17] And he can. He has weird friends. His immediate friends. But even if you throw in Banja and all and all these other people. So I think as a comic, I mean, I think most a lot of comics are Seinfeld because we have other weird comic friends and other friends, you know, the lifestyle just lends itself to having all types of characters in your life. So that's. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:37] I'm definitely Eeyore. I think the thanks for noticing me is, uh, is basically my philosophy. So because as being a writer, no one cares about the writer.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:47] Right, okay.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:47] Like, we're like the, like, even on sets, they're like, thanks. You know, they don't even invite you on set anymore.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:52] Right, right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:52] You don't care. That's why I had to become a producer. Because they cared so little about the writer that, you know.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:57] And but you kind of like that, though, or.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:39:00] Yeah, I like it.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:39:01] To a point.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:39:01] Yeah. Because, you know, every time this movie's bad, I could just say the script was awesome.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:39:05] Yeah. Execution. Maybe it's only the execution.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:39:08] Yeah, the writing was great. All right. Adam, what about you?

Adam Yenser: [00:39:10] I was going to go with Winnie the Pooh also, but I don't know why exactly. See, there's a part of me that wants to say owl, but I don't know a lot about his character. He was cerebral, but I don't know. Did it come across in, like, a know it all way. I forget what his character was on Winnie the Pooh, because in this it says he's like he's dyslexic. I didn't even remember him being dyslexic.

Cat Alvarado: [00:39:28] I didn't Remember that either?

Adam Yenser: [00:39:29] Yeah, I feel like I don't know enough about owl like to say whether or not it's him, but, um. Yeah, I guess I'd go with Winnie the Pooh, but I don't. I don't feel like I watched enough Winnie the Pooh to even even know. It's more my lack of knowledge about these characters.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:39:43] Right, right.

Adam Yenser: [00:39:43] It's like process of elimination. It's like, I'm not. I'm not Eyeor. And I'm not Piglet. I don't think I'm rabbit. Was rabbit kind of panicky.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:39:50] All over the Place?

Adam Yenser: [00:39:51] All over the place.

Cat Alvarado: [00:39:51] Just really wanted things to be, like, in line. Like, yeah, we gotta get things in order.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:39:56] Kind of Middle child energy.

Adam Yenser: [00:39:57] I see. Mm mm. Interesting.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:00] Well, there's Also Christopher Robin.

Adam Yenser: [00:40:02] Yeah. He was the kid that he'd come into the woods and then he'd, he'd talk to the characters. Right.

Cat Alvarado: [00:40:06] Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:07] Yeah,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:07] Yeah. He's the son.

Adam Yenser: [00:40:09] I'll go with Winnie the Pooh. But then I don't mind losing this part since I won the first part.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:14] No. This one. There's no win or lose on this one.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:20] Have you Have you guys ever been on the Winnie the Pooh ride at Disneyland?

Adam Yenser: [00:40:23] Yeah, that's where I remembered the Heffalumps and Woozles song from, like, everything I know about Winnie the Pooh is from that ride.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:28] Is it. Is it out here?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:29] Yeah, it's on Disneyland.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:31] I've been. I don't Remember it.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:32] You don't even like Disneyland, though. So.

Adam Yenser: [00:40:34] It was kind of creepy that ride, right?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:36] Yeah,

Adam Yenser: [00:40:36] It's a little.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:37] The Winnie the Pooh is creepy in general.

Adam Yenser: [00:40:38] Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:38] I mean, I always thought it was kind of creepy. I dated a girl who loved Winnie the Pooh, but.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:42] The writing is.

Cat Alvarado: [00:40:43] That is Creepy.

Adam Yenser: [00:40:43] She's like, it has all of my mental illness.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:49] I read the first poem. I think it was called Vesper that he published. Or, it was like his wife published it. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:54] For him,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:55] Like, without him knowing. It's really tight. It's.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:57] Wait, why did she publish without him knowing?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:59] I think she just Wanted to kickstart it, you know? Maybe she, uh, needed to, you know, keep the lights on. Maybe they didn't have lights, but you know what I mean. She just wanted to get get him out there. Maybe he was, like, never going to. You know, sometimes you need that push.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:41:12] And don't think It's weird that Christopher Robin was friends with all these stuff or all these fake animals,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:41:16] But, you know, that's. I'm glad you mentioned that. I saw somewhere because the son has passed away too. But he said he liked it when he was a kid. Then he went to boarding school and he didn't like because he was kind of famous, you know, because of the stories. And in boarding school, he got teased a lot. So he stopped liking it. But he said a quote, like he said, when I was three, my father was three. And when I was six, my father was six. So that made me think like, his father, like was almost living vicariously through the son, like the dad had some sort of arrested development, some sort of maybe because of the war, some kind of developmental thing. And, and he kind of used the son as an excuse to tap into youth because he probably was like, longing for, like a time before the war, you know, like how strippers always have that baby voice.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:42:02] What. 

Adam Yenser: [00:42:02] If you would have said, this is your theory, you would have won

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:06] right?

Adam Yenser: [00:42:08] It was the stripper baby voice thing.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:42:10] Is that. Is that the voice you use?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:12] No no no no. But sometimes not All strippers, but sometimes. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:42:15] Trauma. Trauma does cause someone to freeze like gypsy Rose. I was just watching something on lifetime from Gypsy Rose Blanchard. Her mom had the, uh, the Munchhausen's by proxy. And then she killed her mom with her boyfriend. That girl. And she still. And she's, like, 30, but she still sounds just like this.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:30] You get stuck at that.

Cat Alvarado: [00:42:31] All of the trauma happened when she was young.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:34] Exactly. So the author, I mean, he probably was a late teen or early 20 20s when he went into war, but I think that jammed him up. And then so here comes his son, and he's like, almost like jealous living through him because this kid has stuffed animals and he's never been to war. And so the father wants to tap back into that, because imagine what you see in war, World War One. It's got to be the most brutal war. It's like,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:57] Yeah,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:58] It's it's not like now it was a video game. It's horrendous.

Cat Alvarado: [00:43:01] I feel the same way about dating in LA.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:43:06] Thank you, Adam, for coming on with us. Please tell us where people can follow you.

Adam Yenser: [00:43:10] Uh, yeah. Thank you for having me. This is always a blast coming on here. Uh, my stand up dates are at Adam. Com the next one I have coming up, I'm going to be at JP's in Gilbert, Arizona, January 31st and February 1st, and I'm going to be at Harvey's in Lake Tahoe March 27th to 30th. And then on my my own YouTube channel, just Adam Yenser on YouTube. I have a weekly satirical news show, kind of like Weekend Update style jokes called The Canceled News. So they can subscribe to that as well.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:43:36] Nice.

Cat Alvarado: [00:43:37] Well, thank you all so much for listening. There are almost 3 million podcasts and we're honored that you've chosen ours. Please check out our website, unofficial official Story.com for show notes or to hear past episodes, and please follow us on Instagram, X, TikTok and YouTube.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:43:53] This season, we'd love to hear from you! Go on our website. You can send us a message by clicking on the Contact Us button, or you can leave us a voicemail. Click on the microphone button at the bottom of the page. Tell us what we got right or tell us what we got wrong. Tell us how much you love us or hate us, or if there's a topic you think we should cover. Or do you think you'd make the perfect guest? Let us know.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:15] And we have the fire engines in the background.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:17] Oh, let me say that again.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:18] No, no, it's fine, because this is the this is actual the path.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:21] Yeah, yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:22] It's like a I forget what the there's a word for like, uh, that there's like paths for certain, uh, emergency vehicles.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:28] Isn't this. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:28] You talking about roads?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:29] Yeah. There's like no, no. But there's like certain. There's certain roads.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:35] For the emergency.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:36] That are meant for like emergency like that. It's it's usually straight and bigger. You know,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:40] I don't Want to give away where you live. I don't think this does, but is this, like, technically route 66?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:46] Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So it's like the man like, so whenever there's like, uh, there's anything. Police, ambulance, fire, East, west, they go on this road. That's why it's constantly happening. All right, if you like the podcast, please be sure to share it with your friends, family and even your enemies. You'll be doing a lot to help us keep bringing exciting and fun content every month.

Cat Alvarado: [00:45:04] And please join us next month. Where we'll be asking the question, Was Ted Bundy encouraged by the devil?

Adam Yenser: [00:45:11] He was inspired by World War Two. We. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:45:13] Right. That's true, that's true. That's a good one. It wasn't God.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:45:18] I teach screenwriting and my screenwriting classes. I always have advice at the end of class. There are three things I teach is either how to stay safe from crime, how to get away with crime, or how to stay safe in the world. And one of my pieces of advice is from Ted Bundy. And the advice I gave tonight, which is related, is that whenever somebody asks you for help to put something in the car, you should always say no, because that's how Ted Bundy got people.

Cat Alvarado: [00:45:42] That's true.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:45:43] He broke his leg. He pretended to break his leg. He'd ask Adam, help me put this in the car, and then you get in the car, and then I'd hit you on the top of the head and put you in that. And then bad things would happen.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:45:53] Right, right, right. Yeah. Don't help him or throw it in the car from far away.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:46:01] So don't do that.That's. That's what happens. Maybe the devil told him to do it. Maybe I don't know. All right. Thank you guys.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:46:06] Thank you guys.

Cat Alvarado: [00:46:07] Thank you.

Adam Yenser: [00:46:07] Bye. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:46:08] Bye.