S4E2 Was Bruce Lee Killed By the Secret Touch of Death

Cat Alvarado: [00:00:00] All right. How would you do in a fight?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:00:01] It's tough. I'll say this. If I don't get knocked out, which is highly possible, I don't think I could take a punch.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:09] Just keep a distance, keep a distance.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:00:10] But I think if I don't get knocked out, my stamina will kick in. And I can definitely outlast most people. Yeah, definitely.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:16] That's the thing I tell my son about fighting is that people, the first time they get hit in the face, it's like, you remember that, right? It's like there's some comedian joke about that where the first time you get hit in the face, you remember it because it's like,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:00:27] Yeah,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:27] It's like,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:00:27] I think it might be me. But I'm talking about the throat, though, so I don't know if that's anyway,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:31] It could be similar, but it's like it's a lot of people. What ends up happening is they get hit in the face and then they stop fighting because it's like it's so shocking to them that. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:00:39] Really. Because my experience was that I got hit in the face and I was like, this wasn't that bad. I'm in.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:44] So you're a real fighter, but.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:00:45] You kind of woke you up. Yeah, yeah.

Cat Alvarado: [00:00:46] It woke me up. I mean, I didn't want to fight because the other person was a drunk male, so. So I'm smarter than that.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:53] But I've gotten in so many fights, and that's what, like, you could just see in their eyes.

Cat Alvarado: [00:00:56] Really?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:00:56] The first time you punched him in the face, they're just like, yeah, they they can't go on because. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:01:00] It's weird I've been punched in the face many times, but I just don't enjoy it. And. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:01:04] But imagine imagine if you got punched. You didn't. You've never gotten punched in the face,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:01:09] Right right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:01:09] That first time. And then you're just like, oh, like. And then. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:01:11] Stunned.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:01:12] But what I'm saying is each time is like the first time for me.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:01:15] Well, yeah. I mean,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:01:16] You know what I mean?

Cat Alvarado: [00:01:16] It's only happened once, so I don't have any other times to refer to.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:01:19] I've been in fights where I'm, I'm punching someone and they're punching me blow for blow and face or wherever we could hit. This is when I was a kid. And then I could feel like the ratio was one, one one. Then it was like, he's getting two for every one. He's getting three for my every one. This is not going well.

Cat Alvarado: [00:01:37] No.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:01:39] I was I was a bully as a kid. So I got a lot of fights. But I threw the first punch because I was small.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:01:43] Right, right. I got fight, so I wasn't I don't think I was a bully.

Cat Alvarado: [00:01:47] So that was your strategy though. You're like, I'm going to stun them and then get out of the situation.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:01:50] Well, because I yeah, like, I mean if I didn't throw the first punch it was going to be tough.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:01:54] You said you said you were small.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:01:55] Yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:01:56] I will say this. We talk about Napoleon complex. Right. But what we don't talk about is that I've seen short people get picked on more, too. It's not from nothing. Some people, yeah, they're short, they're self-conscious. But it's because they were picked on as well. Like I have one my old roommate, he was, you know, tough dude, kind of stocky, but like five, six. Right. Five, six, five, seven people would do things to him that they wouldn't do to me. Except the thing is, like, I'm like, he's going to kill you, though, because he's been training for this his whole life.

Cat Alvarado: [00:02:27] And he's got like the anger of 30 years of like.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:02:29] Exactly, exactly. If you ask me this, how would I do in a fight ten years ago, I would be like, I would win. I was a little dumb, but now it's like, I know I have limitations and to the point where I almost want to get into a fight because I think another 10 or 15 years, I'm not sure who, like right now, take away all professional fighters I like my chances against of any age.

Cat Alvarado: [00:02:53] Like an engineer or something.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:02:54] Yeah, just any dude, any dude they could be. They could be ten years younger than me. 20 years younger than me.

Cat Alvarado: [00:02:59] Look, if you're an operations analyst and you want to get in a fight with Dwayne Perkins.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:03:03] Right? Right? Right. Right. Yeah. Exactly, exactly. If you do project management, come see me. But I like my chances. But. But I don't like my chances 20 years from now.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:03:12] Yeah, but so many people do jujitsu.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:03:13] But you know what, though? That is true.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:03:15] Yeah,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:03:15] But that can go wrong too, because I have a buddy Taron. Shout out Taron. I owe you a call too. I'm saying his name wrong, but that's how I say it. It's really like Thorne Thorne he's an Indian dude. He was going to a boxing gym. Boxing gym like a lot. So he got into it with a guy at the Westwood Brewing Company. Used to be a comedy place. I'm not sure if you ever did that place. He was like, I'm going to fight this guy. And I was like, And Taron's in shape. And he boxes. And then someone whispered to me, oh, that guy's a marine. I was like, Taron, I understand you box. You pay a guy to put his hands up and go left. Right. And I'm sure that that.

Cat Alvarado: [00:03:50] That man has been trained by the colonizers of the world. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:03:53] To kill.

Cat Alvarado: [00:03:53] Yeah. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:03:54] So,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:03:54] I mean, that's one of the reasons jiu jitsu is more useful than a lot of martial arts, because when we spar, there's no rules. So, like, one of the reasons why most martial arts don't work is that when you're fighting, you're just like, oh, I'm gonna do I'm gonna kick you,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:04:08] Right. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:08] You're gonna kick me back. And it's like. Like I call it, we call it dancing, we make fun of it. We call it dancing. It's like when in a real fight do they dance?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:04:14] And in fact, the Japanese capoeira is dancing, like, became. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:04:19] Brazilian.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:20] Brazilian?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:04:20] What did I say? Japanese? I meant to say Brazilian. I'm sorry, but even though a lot of Japanese people in Brazil. But the Brazilian, it's dancing. I mean, they kind of call it a martial art, but it's literally. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:04:28] Breakdancing,

Cat Alvarado: [00:04:28] Dancing.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:29] Jujitsu itself. Is that, like, the only thing we can't do is punch and kick in the in the sparring,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:04:34] Right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:34] But, you know, my friends are always like, you can't punch a kick. But I was like, check this out in a fight when I bring you down to the ground and I'm sitting on top of you, I can punch now.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:04:41] Hey, right right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:04:42] And there's zero chance that you're getting up from under me. I'm gonna take you down. I'm gonna stay far away from you as possible. If you throw a punch and I'm gonna get you down. And there's nothing you can do about it.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:04:53] Which, in a way, this is going to lead to our topic. It doesn't have to directly lead to it. But my pet peeve with action movies. And there's a way of doing it. I'm not a director at all. I've directed little shorts, but I swear I could do a better job than half the movie directors because the fight scenes go for too long, especially if it's like the first 1 or 2 scenes. It's like, listen, either shock me and kill the lead, or let them fight for a few minutes. We get it. He kicks ass. But you're watching like a ten minute fight scene and it's the first fight. You're like, this is ridiculous. Like, I've literally checked out of a fight scene. You shouldn't check out of a fight.

Cat Alvarado: [00:05:30] If there's too much suspense. It's just, like, stressful to watch. I will fast forward,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:05:34] Right?

Cat Alvarado: [00:05:34] Because who won? Okay

Dwayne Perkins: [00:05:36] Right. And that's because we're comics and they don't understand timing. And they think they do. We stand in front of people and tell them stories.

Cat Alvarado: [00:05:44] You feel when people check out,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:05:46] You know, when they check out. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, I have to give them something, either heighten the story or give them a joke. And I think a lot of directors, they're into the visuals, they're into everything. They don't have a sense of the people watching when they're like, this is we're done with this. You know what I mean?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:06:02] This is a great place to plug my movie ruthless, which is currently on Hulu.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:06:05] Nice.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:06:06] Please watch it. That's an action movie. It has, uh, Dermot Mulroney.

Cat Alvarado: [00:06:09] The guy from my best friend's wedding you guys.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:06:12] Yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:06:12] He's great. You know, he looks like, uh, Wolverine in this picture.

Cat Alvarado: [00:06:16] Oh,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:06:16] Yeah, he does.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:06:17] That's who I thought it was. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:06:18] Hugh Jackman. Yeah, like.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:06:19] You know what's crazy? Black people. We mix up white people all the time, and we don't get in trouble for it or anything. But when they do it, it's like, oh, you racist. But we do it all the time.

Cat Alvarado: [00:06:32] I mix up everybody. It's terrible. I mean,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:06:35] I think it's just what you're used to seeing. Yeah. The movie, the movie's pretty good. It's on Hulu right now. And then, uh, by the time this comes out, actually, I should mention also that my TV show on Hulu, I wrote episodes five, six, and seven on a show called the Japanese Show called House of the owls out as well.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:06:47] Very nice. Just like Koji's the guest.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:06:49] Yes

Dwayne Perkins: [00:06:49] Because you have you have a lot to plug. That's perfect. Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. Bruce Lee understood. He understood that. Like, you watch a Bruce Lee movie today, even though they're from the 70s, the timing still works. The way he built the tension. And when you when you fast forward, it's just they're trying to milk it. I just I have a new joke I'm working on. Then we can move on about like whenever there's a scene where they're like defusing a bomb, you know, a ticking clock. I'm like, listen, you don't always have to, like, disable the bomb with one second left. I'm not going to think less of you if there's like 12 seconds left and you're like, oh, cut the wire. We're good, you know what I mean? It's that kind of.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:07:26] Or it explodes. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:07:26] Or it explodes, right. But but it's just it becomes dishonest kind of storytelling because everyone feels there's a natural end to this thing, and then you try to make it go longer than that.

Cat Alvarado: [00:07:36] Also, it's so predictable like, we get it every time there's a bomb, it will we will defuse it right at one second. It's not like we're over it.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:07:44] Let me just say this about Bruce Lee, his martial art, when he when he actually fought on, uh, these rooftops in Hong Kong. One of the reasons he was sent to the United States by his parents because they thought he was going to be a thug. So he his martial art was not like a gym martial art, which is just like you're just dancing. But his martial art was actually fighting every night for, you know, like, not your life, but like to get your ass kicked,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:08:07] Right

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:08:07] And so his martial art, like the way he used his martial art, was actually useful in that he's actually testing the thing. So anything that wasn't working, he wouldn't use, obviously. And things that were working, he used. And so he was actually really fighting. So the problem with most of the martial arts is that you're not actually using it. And if you don't use it, how do you know it works and how do you adjust it? What do you like? You know, and that's the problem with most martial. That's why jiu jitsu is, in my opinion, the best, because we're actually like using things that, you know, like you start to use it in actually like in any kind of fight. So if I fight somebody who's doing who knows jujitsu, that's a different kind of fight than somebody who doesn't.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:08:40] Right? Right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:08:40] Like it's just a different kind of fight. Like if somebody who knows jiu jitsu, then I have to like, he's gonna anticipate my moves and I'll anticipate his. But if it's somebody who doesn't use jujitsu, jiu jitsu, he'll just do something unusual. But he won't know anything I'm about to do to him.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:08:52] Right? Right. And so is that why it seems I've been told that when MMA first started, remember, like they didn't have weight classes, there was anyone fighting anyone, and a lot of the karate guys got destroyed.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:09:02] Base of MMA is jiu jitsu. Like, every every MMA guy has to know jiu jitsu as a base. And then they go out from there. They learn. They learn boxing, they. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:09:09] Wrestling and. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:09:10] Wrestling or no wrestling in jiu jitsu. Oh, I see, I see so like that's like that's the reason because the jiu jitsu guys, when they first got out there, they just beat everybody because like once you got on the ground, it was over because they would just like crush you. Like, the problem with wrestling is that it's once you're on your back, it's a weak position. But in jiu jitsu on your back is not a weak position. You can still you can still win from a bat from. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:09:30] You hear that ladies. It's not a weak position. I'm sorry.

Cat Alvarado: [00:09:39] Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is season four, episode number two of the award-winning unofficial official story I'm Cat.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:09:46] I'm Dwayne, and.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:09:48] I am Koji.

Cat Alvarado: [00:09:49] And this is where we tell you the official story. We look at the paranormal conspiracies, unexplained phenomena, cryptids, and true crime. And by the end, we'll tell you what really maybe happened.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:10:03] If you like the podcast, please be sure to share it with your friends, family, and even your enemies. You'll be doing a lot to help us keep bringing exciting, fun content every month. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:13] In May, we celebrate Asian Pacific Heritage Month, and we're asking the very important question was Bruce Lee killed by the secret touch of death. This month we don't have a guest, so it's just us three, so that's exciting. Do you guys have anything you wanted to plug?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:10:24] Well, I just want to say I'll be watching Ruthless on Hulu and I'll be watching, um, the. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:10:30] House of the Owl

Dwayne Perkins: [00:10:31] House of the owl.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:32] The Owl. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:10:32] On Hulu. No, no, that's not on Hulu.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:34] It's on Hulu.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:10:35] And this ruthless. They're both on Hulu. Nice.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:37] I think by the time this episode comes out, my movie damaged with Samuel Jackson.

Cat Alvarado: [00:10:41] You're crushing it. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:41] Coming out. Vincent Cassel is in that movie. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:10:43] Killing it.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:10:43] So that should be coming out somewhere. I mean, it's already out on theater.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:10:46] Sam Jackson that's a real thespian. You too, uh, Dermot Mulroney, you too.

Cat Alvarado: [00:10:53] I as far as plugging stuff goes, you know, I've got my Instagram and my podcast is back. Villains of history.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:11:01] Where can they listen to it? What is it about?

Cat Alvarado: [00:11:02] It is all the bad guys from history. It's a little bit like Behind the Bastards, but hopefully funnier. I try to make it funny.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:08] But I love about that is maybe you've talked about this in sports. When you do something great or a note, they retire your number. You know what I mean? But if they retire your name, you're just some really bad shit, you know what I mean? Like Adolf,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:11:23] Adolf

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:24] Genghis. Like, if we don't use the name anymore, it's like you. Did. You really?

Cat Alvarado: [00:11:28] Those are the kinds of people we're gonna have on the podcast,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:30] Right? Right, right.

Cat Alvarado: [00:11:31] Uh, through seance, they're going to be as guests. No. Just kidding. Uh, no, but we will talk about them. First episode was Elliot Rodger of the Santa Barbara shooting.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:11:40] He's a king of the incels.

Cat Alvarado: [00:11:41] Yeah, he is the king of the incels.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:43] Oh, is that right?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:11:44] They still call him the King.

Cat Alvarado: [00:11:45] Oof!

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:46] And as we tape this, there was that Bondi thing. And Bondi, I guess you call it Bondi Beach in Australia and Sydney. This guy went around in a mall stabbing people.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:11:54] Yeah,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:11:54] They showed a picture of him. He didn't look like a type of guy that, you know, what is that type of guy look like, but he, um. I'm interested in finding out more about this guy.

Cat Alvarado: [00:12:03] It's ideological. Everybody's like, oh, it's mental illness. Oh,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:12:06] He was autistic though, too.

Cat Alvarado: [00:12:08] He was. But there's a lot of autistic people out there.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:12:10] He was an incel.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:12:11] He looked like he could get girls. But this is not about that. It's. Yeah, yeah.

Cat Alvarado: [00:12:16] Yeah, radicalization is a powerful thing. Let's get this story straight once and for all.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:12:21] Yeah, let's do it.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:12:22] Word.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:12:23] Just in case you've lived under a rock for the past century, here's a quick bio on Bruce Lee. Bruce was born on December 27th, 1940 and passed away on July 20th, 1973. He was born in Hong Kong and moved to San Francisco. He later moved back to Hong Kong to act. He is best known as martial arts master and instructor, a cultural icon, but he's also a film writer, producer and director. As an Asian American myself, Bruce Lee is and was one of the baddest Asians of all time and someone I still look up to today.

Cat Alvarado: [00:12:50] To help us prepare for this episode. We all watched a YouTube video by Coffee Zilla, who tested out the death touch, allegedly by the guy who killed Bruce Lee. We think all of you should watch it. We'll put a link in the show notes. Now, will you guys be seeking out the death touch master?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:13:08] Uh, no. Well, because it's, like, short of believing it, I wouldn't want to know how to do it anyway. Same reason I don't.

Cat Alvarado: [00:13:18] But maybe you would want to know how to do it so you don't accidentally do it.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:13:20] I know, but it's like you can't accidentally open up a child's proof jar of, uh, Tylenol. You know, you have to. You have to press and twist, you know what I mean? So. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:13:31] It's like, have you guys seen those key masters who, like, they're like, fake martial artists, and they, like, pretend to move you with their. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:13:38] Right, right. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:13:39] Chi Energy. And then they people fall over. When I watch it, I'm always wondering, like, do the people who are watching this really believe it? They must. Right?

Cat Alvarado: [00:13:44] I think it's like hypnosis.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:13:46] They start to just buy it, right?

Cat Alvarado: [00:13:47] Yeah, they buy it. They believe it. Have you guys ever been hypnotized?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:13:50] Yeah,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:13:50] Yeah, but I feel like I was not really hypnotized.

Cat Alvarado: [00:13:53] They made my arm move.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:13:54] Get out.

Cat Alvarado: [00:13:55] Yeah, my arm was like, on the, uh. It was on the sofa. And then without me telling it, my arm just went and touched my head. It was a freaky as shit.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:14:04] I think some people are more sensitive to it, too, but. But these people are like. They're like they're masters, you know? I mean, I mean, there's like a there's like a fight in China where, like, one of these chi masters was fighting like an MMA guy, and it was just like he just got destroyed because it's like, obviously he can't, like, it's not working, right?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:21] Right, right, right.

Cat Alvarado: [00:14:22] Reminds me of that South Park episode where they're like, ju ju ju, like they're a bunch of, like, sci fi people who are good times.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:30] I've always wanted to do the tai chi. I don't know if that's similar.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:14:32] No, no. That's different because.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:33] It just it looks like I'm like, do you have to flex while you're doing it? Because I don't, it's movement, but I.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:14:38] If you're old, it.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:39] Doesn't seem strenuous at all. Even. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:14:41] Honestly, Touchmaster sounds like a sex toy. The Death Touch Master is their Halloween edition.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:47] Right. That's like, uh, like when you put the D batteries in it or whatever.

Cat Alvarado: [00:14:52] Oh, God. That's what your aunt uses.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:54] Exactly.

Cat Alvarado: [00:14:55] Your aunt who isn't married, and you find it and you're like, what is this, the corner of the house?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:14:59] Yeah. The one aunt who was kind of cool. She uses that.

Cat Alvarado: [00:15:02] You're like, is that a vacuum cleaner? No, it's not a vacuum cleaner.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:15:05] Give her the Death master. So she can calm down. And, um, Bruce's death is officially listed as, uh, excess fluid, causing his brain to swell, aka cerebral edema. How do you say that?

Cat Alvarado: [00:15:16] Edema.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:15:17] Edema? Of course. Right. Cerebral edema. Um, but many do not believe that. Just like a lot of other celebrities who passed away before their time, there are countless internet rumors about how they really died. Here are some that we found for Bruce. A jealous lover poisoned him. It was a fatal drug overdose. The triads assassinated him. Had a run in with the triads once.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:15:38] Yeah. Where?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:15:38] In Macau. But I was told they were Korean triads, which I didn't even know was a thing. But it was, um, at a show, these guys were making a bunch of noise and, like, they were pretending like they didn't speak English too. And they were at the show, just big casino. They could go anywhere. And it was just in the showroom, just causing a ruckus. And I said something, just a jokey thing. But then, like, the guy came on stage.

Cat Alvarado: [00:16:03] All of a sudden it turned into kill Bill.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:16:04] Yeah. He came on stage to take the take the mic out of my hand. Security got him there, you know, escorted him out, but they didn't kick him out. Out. Just out of the showroom. So then while I'm finishing up my set, I can see he's just outside of the showroom, sort of waiting for me.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:16:20] Don't mess with Asians.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:16:21] Yeah, yeah,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:16:21] That's the lesson here.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:16:22] It worked. Out okay. I mean,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:16:23] You gave him a blow and.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:16:24] Right, right, right right. A handy a handy. Handy. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:16:27] Handy. Yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:16:29] Which came in handy, but, um. Yeah, it was, it was a little scary. It was a little scary.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:16:34] I remember you know, I'd work with all these people that were in rap, right? And so because they're all in rap, a lot of them were gang related. And I'd try to explain to them, my friends who were gang members, and it was always funny because I was like, the difference between your friends who were gang members and my friends is that my friends are richer than you'll ever be, even with all your money now and their gang banging, because they're just fucking crazy and they're like, they're dealing drugs. They're doing like, like women and running stuff. And like, these people have, like, so much money that they never have to work again or before they did this. And I was like, that's just something up here.

Cat Alvarado: [00:17:05] They're just psychopaths.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:17:06] Yeah. Whereas like a lot of what, like happens on the streets in other parts of the city are like, you just don't have enough money. And and then it becomes something bigger.

Cat Alvarado: [00:17:13] It's like necessity.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:17:13] Yeah. On some level in the beginning at least. But like, I was like, no, no, these guys, like, their house is bigger than my house will ever be right now at 16.

Cat Alvarado: [00:17:21] Oh, dang.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:17:22] And it's like most communities actually can thrive from having some form of mafia because they, they extort, but they also keep peace.

Cat Alvarado: [00:17:30] Yeah, I was talking to an Uber driver I had once on the way to the airport and some I don't know how we started talking, but he's like, yeah, I'm a former gang member. He was a former Crip, apparently. And um, I was like, yeah, like, how come LA is a lot more calm now? Like what? What's the deal with that? And he said, yeah, it's because everybody kind of grew up, got more established, realized they can make more money if everything's more peaceful. And they just like keep their business going because it's a business at the end of the day. So LA kind of calmed down. But that doesn't mean that there's not a lot of trade like the the economy is there, but they're just not doing all the crazy shit. But he said that that crazy shit still happens in places like Chicago because they're younger. And so there's still like kind of battling for territory.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:18:09] There's like not the OGs.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:18:10] And a lot of that is just ego and pride. It's not about them,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:18:13] But it's still not. It's still not as crazy as like 80. I mean, the 80s would be like two dozen deaths in a weekend.

Cat Alvarado: [00:18:17] Jesus.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:18:18] Yeah, it was crazy. New York was crazy, too, but not as bad as here.

Cat Alvarado: [00:18:21] It was also the crack epidemic. And I actually just read today that, like, cocaine and crack will give people actual psychosis. Like something like 30% of homicides have cocaine or crack involved.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:18:33] Yeah, because if you do crack, you never come back. That's the rule, right?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:18:35] Word. It's also wack. Um, so some other theories now that we went on that triad.

Cat Alvarado: [00:18:42] Tangent.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:18:43] Uh, a greedy business partner killed him so they could control his his movies. And there was a curse on his family.

Cat Alvarado: [00:18:50] That one. But these are not the theories we're looking at today. Today, we're going to explore the idea that the touch of death killed Bruce Lee, whom the rumor began way back in 1985. In Black Belt magazine, it was claimed in an article that this death was caused by a delayed reaction to a dim mak strike he received several weeks before his collapse.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:19:15] The dim mak strike is a technique where one attacks the pressure points. Some believe the Dim Mak is a secret specialty within Wing Chun Kung Fu.

Cat Alvarado: [00:19:23] That sounds delicious.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:19:27] According to Wikipedia, others claim it was the quivering palm technique. Right?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:19:30] It's a little bit kill Bill ish, right? Yeah. Um, why would this person want to kill Bruce Lee? A cabal of kung fu masters were mad at Bruce. For teaching non-Chinese ancient Chinese techniques, even as friend and actor Chuck Norris had to step in and address the rumors, Chuck said, the fact is, we are too bad to be his students and he is too good to be our teacher, so he kind of like said, he's not teaching us.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:19:53] Yeah,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:19:54] But we know he had a school, though.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:19:56] Yeah, he was teaching here in Los Angeles and I think San Francisco. Yeah.

Cat Alvarado: [00:20:00] He's probably teaching like watered down version, like the way we learn watered down yoga.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:20:05] Kung fu is it's so weird because it's over and over and over in fights. It's always lost. There's these videos in China where, you know, there's all these like schools of martial arts that have been like passed down from centuries. And there's this one dude who, like, he does MMA in China, and he just goes around and fights all these masters and kicks the crap out of them.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:20:25] Wow.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:20:25] And then like, but then the Chinese government's like, you can't disrespect our like, our culture by beating up these masters. We're gonna say you lost. Even though like, you could see like the guy's like bloody on the ground.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:20:36] Can you imagine being on the ground and they lift your arm up and still undefeated.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:20:42] But it's. But it's crazy because like, a lot of these, you know, a lot of it's like it's just not tested anymore.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:20:47] It sounds like to me too, like at one point it was for fighting and then it almost similar to what we said about the gangs. Then it morphed into more of an art form, but they still think it's good for fighting. Meanwhile, these, these real fighting things are tried and true. But because at the end of the day, it's not about fighting. It's a discipline you gain from doing.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:21:05] Sure. I mean. It's even like my nephew, he he's a he did taekwondo. He got a black belt by 9 or 8 or something. And then he came over and he wanted to fight my son because he knows my son does jiu jitsu and other things. This is kind of not good. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:17] Because your son is also pretty strong.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:18] He does jiu jitsu. Yeah, yeah. And so he brought him down and sat on top of him. He's like, what do you guys do? I was just like, just sit on top of him, wait for him to calm down. But like but it's like but it gives these guys. It gives these kids and people a sense of like that. They could go out there and fight. But the problem is that they actually don't know how to fight. They just gotta like, like in jiu jitsu, for example, you can't get a black belt till you're 25 because they believe that no kid is an expert at it anything.

Cat Alvarado: [00:21:39] And the way kids are is like they will do things, especially young, young men will like get themselves killed.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:44] And if you haven't, like I boxed, I never boxed, but I went to a boxing gym and one time me and my.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:21:51] You did Tae Bo, right?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:21:52] No. We fought. We put the gloves on us. We were like third or fourth grade and we did a round or two, and it was exhausting, you know, no training. We just gotten in, just beat the shit out of each other. And then like, I remember, like, sticking my hands out to take the gloves off and just thinking to myself, I'm never putting these back on again. Just never. It's never going to happen. And I regret that. I don't know, I don't think I'm the most athletic, but at the end of the day though, I just can't put unless I could be Floyd. But even Floyd Mayweather gets punched in the face. The most defensive fighter ever gets punched in the face. I'm trying to not get punched in the face. That's how I live my life. Very anti punch in the face. So I say that to say like, had I kept boxing though, the respect would have been there because you know how exhausting it is. So a nine year old can't get a black belt simply because they don't have the demeanor yet to say, let's say they were these sort of nine year old killing machines. Even if that were true, they don't have the disposition to control it like a gentleman.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:22:53] Yeah, because even like in jiu jitsu, like, so technically after a white belt, the next belt is a blue belt. But you can't be a blue belt till you're 16. And so for a long time in jiu jitsu, the problem with the kids was that they could they were just a white belt. And then all the parents and the kids were like, all right, like we're just staying a white belt forever until 16. And so then they created all these fake belts between white and blue,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:12] Right

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:12] Because just to, like, make it so that the kids are progressing somewhere.

Cat Alvarado: [00:23:14] But striped belt, this one is zigzag.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:17] But then technically technically the only the only belt that's important is the next one, which is blue. When they turn 16, they can become a blue belt. But it's like, but it's good for the kids because it shows like like you're still nothing till you like. You. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:23:28] Show them the real, the reality of life.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:23:30] You have to get better. You have to get better.

Cat Alvarado: [00:23:31] You you're worthless.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:23:34] Right

Cat Alvarado: [00:23:36] All right. But what does ChatGPT think? Chatgpt was Bruce Lee killed by the death touch?

ChatGPT: [00:23:42] No, Bruce Lee was not killed by the death touch or any mystical martial arts technique. Bruce Lee, the iconic martial artist, actor and filmmaker, died on July 20th, 1973, at the age of 32. The exact cause of his death was a cerebral edema, swelling of the brain, which was attributed to a reaction to a pain medication he had taken for a headache. There is no evidence to suggest that he was killed by any kind of supernatural or mythical martial arts technique, like the death touch.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:24:13] Not fun. Chatgpt write 100 word story about Koji killing Bruce Lee.

ChatGPT: [00:24:18] I'm sorry I can't fulfill that request.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:24:21] We'll ask Google's AI Gemini write a 100 word story about Koji. Me killing Bruce Lee?

Gemini: [00:24:26] Absolutely not. Andrew Koji never met Bruce Lee, and Lee tragically died in 1973. Here's a different story for you in the San Francisco fog Au Sam Andrew Koji Perid blows with a rival Tong master. Their movements mirrored each other, a dance on by years of training. Suddenly, Au Sam unleashed the flurry. Inspired by Bruce Lee's Jeet Kune Do, a style Lee himself was still developing. Confused, the master faltered. Awesome disarmed him, a silent nod to the legend who paved the way.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:25:00] They thought it was funny. They thought it was Andrew Koji, by the way.

Cat Alvarado: [00:25:04] All right, well, it's time to put on our thinking caps. Was Bruce Lee killed by the secret touch of death? When we return, we'll settle this once and for all and figure out what really maybe happened. Now that we've reviewed the evidence, let's give our theories. How did Bruce Lee really die?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:25:23] I guess I'll go. I feel with this. Like I saw a video of Jackie Chan being asked about it, and he seemed to really like, um, kind of not want to talk about it, like, uh hmm. Because the theory was like some gang had taken him out. And I guess maybe Jackie Chan has an affiliation to this gang. It seems suspicious. So I think if I'm being literal, I think maybe it was an accident. Or maybe somebody out there knows what happened. But so much time has passed that you would think there'd be some deathbed confessions at this point. You know, I am.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:25:52] No, there is one guy said that he.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:25:54] Oh, is that right?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:25:54] He killed him with a death mat. I mean, he's trying to sell the death touch. He's trying to sell it online.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:25:59] So who's the guy I'm forgetting? Cooper. Who? Everyone says that. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:02] D.B. Cooper. Remember? We had that? We had the episode about it.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:26:05] No, no. I'm saying, like, there would be some D.B. Cooper sort of confessions so short of that. And it's really. I feel like somebody knows something. Now, here's what I think is the family cursed. Maybe because his son died, too. So that's kind of weird. But I think in Bruce Lee's case, I have two theories I'm working on, but I like this one. I think that what happened was he reached a Nirvana state.

Cat Alvarado: [00:26:26] Um hum.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:26:27] And not Nirvana, exactly. In the Buddhist way of thinking, but similar. Like where. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:32] Kurt cobain.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:26:33] Yeah. Like, uh, right, right, right, right. He smelled like Teen Spirit. And then. No, he reached a state where he had done what he needed to do. And I think similarly, this happened to say like a Tupac or a James Dean, where it's like you've peaked and the universe is like, your job is done here. So ultimately, what killed him? Excellence?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:26:54] Oh

Dwayne Perkins: [00:26:55] because it was like he had ran his race. He had nothing left to do. And I think the universe kind of like with Elvis and with Michael Jackson, the universe was like, oh, we kind of let this go on a little too long, you know what I mean? It came in and then got them.

Cat Alvarado: [00:27:10] Oh, yeah. Take him out while he's still a hero before the hero becomes the villain. Which could be maybe why he got assassinated if he got assassinated?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:27:19] Yeah.

Cat Alvarado: [00:27:19] If maybe he did have some crazy shit going on that would have made him less of a hero. So someone took him out early.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:27:24] It could be that. It could be that. I just think literally, he he had ascended like the fact that he did five movies and we're talking about him still like his business partners. They would have milked him for all the movies they could have.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:27:35] Yeah, I wouldn't kill him. It doesn't make any sense.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:27:37] Just like saying like Puff Daddy kill biggie. He may have let some people kill him for payback. He wouldn't kill his cash cow.

Cat Alvarado: [00:27:42] Britney Spears. They didn't kill Britney. They kept her. They they did the the guardianship. And they just kept on, like, milking her for,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:27:49] You don't kill a cash cow. Right? So I just think, like, some people reach this state of excellence and you would think, okay, why, how about Tom Brady? How about other people? You would think maybe even Tiger Woods. They kind. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:28:01] Jeremy Lin

Dwayne Perkins: [00:28:03] Jeremy Lin.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:28:03] Rui Hachimura. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:28:04] Yeah. Yeah yeah Jeremy Lin for sure. Even you can say Shohei right. They reached this point I think maybe they they came close or maybe not everyone's taken away. But I do think some people reach this point of like to do any more. We were talking about timing when this thing started to do any more would be overkill. You've done you've ran your race. So I think that happened to him. I think I don't know, whoever God or whoever you believe. Universe said it's time to go. His family could still be cursed, but that's not why he was taken away.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:28:31] So let me first say that Bruce Lee was super important to Asian Americans. You know what a lot of Asian Americans today don't realize is back then, Asian Americans were shit on, especially dudes. We were like the lowest of the low. Like actually, funny story. We were at, uh, Knott's Scary Farm and I was behind these three Latina girls, and they were, like, staring at, like, K-pop stars on their Instagram, and they're talking about how hot they were. And I was like, I mean, they're like teeny boppers. But I was like, this would never have happened when I was a kid. Like, Asian guys were seen as like like people you would never want to go like, small dick whatever, right? Like that's what we were. And so, like, Bruce Lee was the coolest Asian American or Asian person out there who could kick your shit out of you. So he wasn't just, like, good looking, but he was like a badass. And so, so when I think of Bruce Lee, I think of like somebody that, like, meant a lot to me when when there was nobody else even close to him out there, you know? I mean, like, think about gung ho, right? The movie about that, like, all these little Asians coming to America and doing shit or Breakfast at Tiffany's, those kinds of things. Like, that's what I'm thinking of when when you think of popular culture.

Cat Alvarado: [00:29:32] Well, we also look at, um, you know, in the episode I just did on Elliot Rodger, one of the things they talked about, I remember reading about, well, he's half Asian, and that was one of the reasons he kind of hated himself because he felt effeminate, because of the sentiment. Because of the.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:29:46] You think of like Andy. I think it was Andy Rooney used to put the glasses on and do the teeth thing. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:29:52] And ddo the eye thing.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:29:53] Yeah,

Cat Alvarado: [00:29:53] It's pretty messed up.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:29:54] Yeah, yeah. When you listen to Bruce Lee's interviews, he talks about Asian Americans. He talks about a lot of the issues that are still relevant to Asian Americans. So I definitely encourage people to listen to his interviews. But regardless. So my thing is I was actually listening to an old episode of ours, and it was from season two where I said Tupac was, uh, Japanese to do honor to that episode and just to make things right in the world. My theory is that actually Bruce Lee is. African American.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:30:17] Oh, wow.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:30:18] And it was about to come out that he was gonna. That he was actually African American,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:30:21] But like mixed or something.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:30:22] No, no. Just straight black.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:30:24] By the way, he's Mickey Rooney. I meant to say go ahead. Yes.

Gemini: [00:30:26] Like it was about to come out and it was going to be this Big like. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:30:28] So funny.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:30:29] It's going to be this big, like controversy because they already don't like, you know, like non-Chinese people doing it.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:30:33] Right right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:30:33] And so he's like, you know, I just gotta fake my death. And so he came up with this thing and, you know,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:30:38] He faked it.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:30:38] He faked it. Yeah. Interesting. And then he just went back to that. He just went back. He came back to LA and just lived the rest of his life. Just. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:30:44] As a guy,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:30:45] As just a regular guy. Yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:30:46] Whenever people say the fake death thing because you can't fake your death and still get the money, right, so your family or your estate can get the money and maybe they can find a way to, um, you know, funnel that money to you. But I always think of a person on top of the world faking a death. And then flash of 20 years later and they're like, shit, I'm out of money. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:07] But he's still, he's probably he's. He teaches martial arts in like, South LA now.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:12] Right. And he's like, when I knew Bruce Lee.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:19] So that's my theory basically.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:21] So he he faked his death because he actually was black.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:24] Well, the truth was going to come out. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:26] Interesting.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:26] And he didn't want the truth because he thought it was going to, like, bring shame to him.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:30] And but also then the black community would have been like he had a perm this whole time. That's some bullshit.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:36] Well, a side. A side theory is that that's why Wu-Tang named themselves Wu-Tang. Because they they knew the secret.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:42] Interesting.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:43] Actually, funny story on Wu-Tang is that ditch school. And then go watch these Chinese martial arts movies. And then through the martial arts movies they like, learn lessons on life. Like, that was their school,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:52] Right. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:53] I mean, that's why, like, I mean, if you think of Wu-Tang, they're like the first rap group to create their own label. They were signed to one label.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:31:58] Each one was signed to a different.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:31:59] Yeah. So they were making like they were smart with their money and then they like they kept the money within. So anyway. But yeah. So that was all Bruce Lee but. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:32:06] Smart. Okay. Time for my theory.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:32:08] Time for your theory.

Cat Alvarado: [00:32:08] All right. So I did a little bit of research to figure out why he really died. It said he had cerebral edema. There are a number of things that can cause cerebral edema, traumatic brain injury. So that would be like he got hit in the head, like kicked in the head or something during a fight. And that could other eclampsia encephalitis I don't really know what those are. Hemorrhagic stroke. He could have had a stroke. Meningitis, which can be caused by a virus.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:32:37] Usually happens. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:32:38] A bug bite. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:32:38] When you're younger, right? Like teenage. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:32:40] I don't know.

Cat Alvarado: [00:32:40] My dad had meningitis when he was like 50. So.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:32:42] Okay,

Cat Alvarado: [00:32:43] It could happen. And also just a bug bite could cause cerebral edema. That's what West Nile virus was doing to people. So those are all possibilities. But the one that stood out to me and this is my theory, was something called diabetic ketoacidosis. It happens.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:33:02] When you don't have enough fat.

Cat Alvarado: [00:33:03] When you don't. Well, when your body, uh, has a hard time, like with the energy. Let me just read it. Nope. Not this one. Okay. Diabetes related ketoacidosis is when your body doesn't have enough insulin and needs to convert it to insulin, and it can't, so it starts breaking down fat for energy. Instead. When fat is broken down, it produces ketones. But if there are too many ketones in your blood, it becomes acidic and that causes a medical emergency. So my theory is that Bruce Lee was one of the first guys to do keto, so he could look hot on camera.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:33:47] Um, I see, I see.

Cat Alvarado: [00:33:48] And it caused his brain to swell up and he died. That, and also drinking too much water can cause you to have hyponatremia in your brain. Swells up.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:33:58] So he was super cut.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:33:59] Yeah. You can't. Yeah. I've. There's a lady who ran a marathon and died from drinking too much water, I think. Okay. Because what I like about your theory is that he was super cut. And if he didn't eat sugar, and then his body had to use fat, which is what why people get into keto. What happens if there's no fat to pull from?

Cat Alvarado: [00:34:17] Yep.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:17] Does it then pull from muscle? I guess your body can can get energy from sugar, direct sugar, muscle or fat, I think. But then that leads to my theory that. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:34:27] These crazy diets.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:28] He was too excellent.

Cat Alvarado: [00:34:29] Yeah, he's too excellent. Also, if you're combining diets, let's say he's doing intermittent fasting and he's doing keto and he's over drinking water. And he has zero body fat to begin with. He had way too many ketones and that caused him to die. That's my theory.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:46] They say two things. They say it's always darkest before the storm. Or is that right? Brightest before the storm, calmest before the storm. It's always calmest before the storm. That's how it goes.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:34:55] That took a long time to get there.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:34:56] Yes, yes, but also something about certain machines run their best before they give out.

Cat Alvarado: [00:35:01] Ah,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:02] So you have an older car, and then like, one day it's like, oh, this thing is running good. Today it's going to crash out.

Cat Alvarado: [00:35:07] It's kind of like in a movie when the character that you love is like being at their best lovable self, and then the next scene, they die.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:13] Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

Cat Alvarado: [00:35:15] It's basically that. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:16] Wow. Okay.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:17] But even in that, that's that's a metaphor for like this is the best they're going to be. Let's take them before they revert back to being an a hole again or whatever.

Cat Alvarado: [00:35:24] Hmm.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:25] Wow.

Cat Alvarado: [00:35:26] All right. So at this point we vote. It's time for us to pick the unofficial official story, the one that will answer this question once and for all. So which do we go with?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:36] He's a black man.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:37] I like I love the faking the death thing because that means he he lived. And then the question would be, is he still alive or has he died?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:44] You're you're burying the most important part of the faking the death part.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:47] Yeah, yeah, but. 

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:49] You can't pick and choose, dude.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:51] Right? Right, right, right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:52] He's a black man. He's a strong black man. I'm just not disrespectful of black man.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:35:55] I mean, people in the hood love Bruce Lee.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:35:57] Yeah, that's what I mean. That's why. That's why they love him. Because he's actually black.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:36:01] First time I went to Hong Kong, I met this black dude on a train. You know, you're in Hong Kong. This is like 99. And we strike up a conversation. They say, come hang with us tonight. So I hang with them at a bar.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:10] He was Bruce Lee.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:36:11] No, but what happened was he's an English dude. Shout out to him. Ewing was his last name. I want to say his first name. Maybe. Gary. Gary. Maybe. English black dude. So he knows people in Hong Kong. A fight breaks out and then he breaks it up. Two guys, two Chinese guys are fighting each other. Cantonese guys are fighting each other, and he jumps in fluid Cantonese. I didn't know he spoke it. And he's telling him to chill out in Cantonese and relax. And I'm just like, what the hell, you speak Chinese? And he was a big Bruce Lee fan and that like,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:43] He was Bruce Lee.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:36:43] So much, in fact, that he moved to Hong Kong, learned how to speak Chinese like, I mean. This guy. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:36:49] That's a fan.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:36:49] Yeah, or Cantonese, you know, that version of Chinese? So I know it's tough. I'm. I like yours too, but yours is sort of like, basically.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:36:59] It could have happened.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:00] Cats. Yeah, yours could have happened. Basically his body had too many ketones. Is what you're saying, right? You know, ketones would be a great name for a band, right? Give it up. For. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:37:08] The mighty.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:09] Leroy and the ketones. Or the mighty, mighty ketones. Like the Mighty Mighty Bosstones.

Cat Alvarado: [00:37:17] Yeah

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:18] I want to go with half of Koji's, if that's possible. No, you know what? I'll go with all of Koji's.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:25] Okay,

Cat Alvarado: [00:37:25] Okay,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:25] That's my vote. Yes. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:26] Awesome. Well, Cat, since it doesn't really matter, but we might as well hear your answer.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:30] Oh, you're going to go with yours?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:31] Yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:31] Okay, I wasn't sure. Yeah, yeah.

Cat Alvarado: [00:37:34] Well, actually, I could screw things up and tie it.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:37] No, it's already two.

Cat Alvarado: [00:37:37] No, it's already two.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:38] He's gonna vote for him.

Cat Alvarado: [00:37:39] That's true. Oh, wait. There's not four of us.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:42] Yes, yes, yes.

Cat Alvarado: [00:37:42] Okay. All right, I'll vote for yours.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:45] Oh, it's a clean sweep kind of.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:48] So just to be clear, Tupac is Japanese, right? And Bruce Lee is black.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:53] A black man who faked his own death to.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:37:55] Well, Tupac also faked his death because now he's living in Japan.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:58] Right?

Cat Alvarado: [00:37:58] With Bruce Lee.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:37:59] With Bruce Lee.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:01] Oh, that would be crazy. We're not gonna go that far.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:03] Yeah.

Cat Alvarado: [00:38:05] And that's the official story, you guys. We'll take another break, and then when we return, we'll be trying to figure out who we would hurt with the touch of death.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:16] Let's assume the touch of death was real.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:18] Something sarcastic.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:19] Yeah, I see. Okay, let's assume the touch of death was real.

Cat Alvarado: [00:38:24] And not a sex toy.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:26] Right, right. There you go. Let's assume the touch of death wasn't in your mom's dresser right now. Who would we hurt but not seriously injure or kill? Because we aren't monsters. So basically, we're going to. Going to have Touch of Death. Um, they're just going to feel a little bit in pain, maybe immobilized for a while.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:44] Maybe have Covid for like a couple days.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:45] Yeah. Yeah, I like that. I like that because I didn't know how. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:38:48] But they would be okay after.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:49] Yeah.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:50] Ultimately.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:51] Yeah. We're not going to kill people.

Cat Alvarado: [00:38:52] I hate that my answer is like, so clear to me. My ex-boyfriend's mom.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:38:58] Oh, wow.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:38:59] Oh, wow. Okay. You wouldn't kill her. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:39:01] She's like a senior citizen too. An old lady. No, look. Just that she can feel the pain she made me feel by turning him against me.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:39:12] I like it,

Cat Alvarado: [00:39:14] But as long as she got better afterwards and no one could know it was me, she would know it was me. Because I would have to do the touch of death to her. Unless I hired an assassin.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:39:23] You could be in her area and just be like, do some chi energy.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:39:25] Wouldn't it be great if this touch of death could also, like, force them to have a moment of either clarity or just complete honesty? So, like, you give it to her, she's a little sick, but also she realizes the error of her ways, and at the very least, if she doesn't do a 180, at least apologizes or gain some sort of empathy.

Cat Alvarado: [00:39:43] Yes, yes, a little bit of empathy would be nice if doing the touch of death would make her feel empathy, that would be great. I would do that.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:39:50] Well, then mine would be Donald Trump, although he's kind of getting that now in the jury trial. So right now, while I was recording it, they just picked the jury. But it's really funny because they've been reading, like all the jurors tweets and Facebook messages, and it's like they're kind of just roasting him and he has to sit there and listen to it because he's I don't know how much you guys know about, like what's going on in his life. But he has like an assistant who drives like when he's golfing, has a golf cart behind him with a printer, and every time there's a positive message or a positive article, they print out and give it to him.

Cat Alvarado: [00:40:19] Wow.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:40:20] And then he like he literally anything negative in the article, he'll cross out with a Sharpie. So he's like, that's kind of the person he's surrounding himself with and he's intentionally choosing that. So like to be in the courtroom where people are like, literally like like one of them that was funny was like they had a picture of a Trump and they said, like, and then Trump and Obama and they said, I don't think this is what they meant by the orange is the New black. And like and they like literally were saying that like in front of his face because he's and he can't. The funny thing is he can't say anything, right? He can't do anything because he's in he's on the court.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:40:50] What's weird about that is to be a person who maybe is that sensitive, but then also seek the limelight and not like not wanting, not understanding that, you know, it comes with that. That's crazy to me.

Cat Alvarado: [00:41:02] When you're rich. You can pay for to avoid anything.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:41:04] That's who he is, right? I mean, no,

Cat Alvarado: [00:41:05] Like, rich people avoid getting grades. Like there's schools that rich people send their kids to that don't have grades at all.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:41:11] Right? Right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:41:11] Yeah. So my thing would be for Donald Trump to get sick for a little while, maybe appreciate some of the crazy things he does. And.  

Cat Alvarado: [00:41:17] So it's a little bit like, uh, like A Christmas Carol. Like, I would like for them.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:41:23] Right. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:41:24] Through the Touch of Death have a shortened version of that where they have the ghost of themselves in the future visit.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:41:31] I would say other than that guy who had the had the road rage incident with and he was 100% wrong. By the way, um, I don't want to bore you with the details, but trust me, he was. And my touch of death would come with empathy. Uh, you know, being sort of immobilized for a little while. Some sort of short-term paralysis, but also two days of diarrhea.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:41:53] It sounds like a colonoscopy.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:41:55] Right? It kind of is. Right.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:41:57] That's what I would do. You have to get a colonoscopy because it's like the worst part of it is the the days before it.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:04] Yeah, absolutely.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:42:05] Because when you go in, you just get knocked out and then you wake up and you feel fine, like it's actually the day before that's like terrible. That's that's when it's like,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:11] Yeah, you can't eat,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:42:12] You can't eat, but then you're forcing you to drink all day.

Cat Alvarado: [00:42:15] Do you meet your weight loss goals?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:17] It does help a little bit. Yeah.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:42:19] But it feels so bad.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:20] Yeah I agree I don't have any one particular person and unfortunately the person I would have said has passed away. Oh, I didn't touch her death. Um, I think anyone, though, who said a sort of a theme with me. Right. If you listen back to past episodes, anyone who breaks laws that they are charged to uphold. So whatever thing you like, if you're a, you know, a firefighter who starts fires would be kind of a simple. But anyone who breaks the very laws that they are tasked with. With.

Cat Alvarado: [00:42:49] Like priests.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:42:50] Or priests, police officers, but also like, um, just if you bear false witness at your job, you know, like this Boeing thing, which I haven't followed that closely, but people who sort of like come. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:43:00] Like jumping on the equipment.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:43:01] Completely, just overlook, overlook things. So anyone anyone who does that, I think like any, any position that has sort of like answer to anyone if your org chart is such that you don't answer to anyone.

Cat Alvarado: [00:43:15] I would also want to want to touch of death anybody who has started a social media platform of any kind. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:43:21] Except for Truth social, because that's an amazing one.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:43:23] Yeah, I would, I would, I would agree with that too. I would agree with that. I think basically it's people who don't answer to anyone. Someone around them or several people around them should at least be given a touch of death. That way it balances it out. We have like a balance of power. We have Congress, Senate, Supreme Court president. I think people don't have that in regular life. Bankers. There's a few people who just they're above the fray. And if and then when they do, when they get their comeuppance, it's only after they've done major damage and it's really hit the fan. So you just need somebody to be able to go pop, pop, pop pop, two days diarrhea. Think about what you did. It's like a penalty box. You know what I mean?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:04] It's like a box.

Cat Alvarado: [00:44:06] Oh, Andrew Tate, I would give him that touch of death.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:09] All those incel guys.

Cat Alvarado: [00:44:11] Honestly, for me, that one would be one that comes with empathy, but also death, maybe. Thank you guys for being here. I love doing this podcast with you guys.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:22] A lot of fun.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:23] It's nice to do it once in a while with just us.

Cat Alvarado: [00:44:25] With just us. Where can we follow each other? Let's just share our socials.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:28] Okay? I'm Dwayne Perkins on Instagram. My name is spelled Dwayne. Uh. There's another guy who has my name. He's a different Dwayne doing different things than me. And, um, you know, I wish him nothing but the worst. And, um. Yeah. So Dwayne Perkins on Instagram and Facebook. Funny. DP on Twitter, but I'm mainly on Instagram. Yeah. Excuse me and Dwayne Perkins. Com is. 

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:53] What's your true social handle?

Dwayne Perkins: [00:44:54] I don't have one.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:44:55] I'm just kidding. Yeah I'm trying to short the stock.

Cat Alvarado: [00:44:59] You can find me on Instagram at the Cat Alvarado. That's Cat Alvarado and on TikTok at Cat Alvarado Comedy. And that's, uh, that's that's where you can find me.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:45:13] Very nice.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:45:14] I'm k Sakai Sakai one at everywhere, which is not exciting. I should have picked a name.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:45:19] And Koji and I have a book on, uh, audible. So if you want to listen to Zombie Run. Yes, yes.

Cat Alvarado: [00:45:25] Oh. That's cool. Well, thank you all so much for listening. There are almost 3 million podcasts, and we're honored you've chosen ours. Check out our website, unofficial official story.com for show notes, or to hear past episodes, and follow us on Instagram, X, TikTok, and YouTube.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:45:42] In season. Four. We'd love to hear from you! Go to our website. You can send us a message by clicking on the Contact Us button, or you can leave a voicemail. Click on the microphone button at the bottom of the page. Tell us what we got right or tell us what we got wrong. Tell us how you love us. Don't tell us how you hate us. But. But if we could do something better, we'd love to hear that. Or if there's a topic you think we should cover, or you think you'd make the perfect guest, let us know.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:46:08] And please consider writing a review of our show on the platform. You listen to this podcast. We know it's a pain in the butt, but it does go a long way in helping the show. It helps us reach new listeners, grow our show, and most importantly, it enables us to keep putting out the content that we hope that you enjoy.

Cat Alvarado: [00:46:23] Please join us next month where we're asking the question, what really happened to Ronald Doe? Who was the inspiration for the movie The Exorcist?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:46:31] I think the episode's gonna be awesome. I'm writing it right now. It's super. It's super interesting.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:46:35] Exciting. Exciting. Yeah,

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:46:36] I mean, it's the most, like, serious thing, I think. So for a while.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:46:40] Wait, so he was Linda Blair or he worked with the Linda Blair character?

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:46:44] No, no, no, um, the original Exorcist was based on, uh oh.

Cat Alvarado: [00:46:48] He was the priest.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:46:49] No, he was the kid. So originally the kid was a boy.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:46:52] Oh,

Dwayne Perkins: [00:46:52] They made it into a girl I see in the, uh, in the in the version. Um, there's a lot. 

Cat Alvarado: [00:46:57] Trans agenda.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:46:59] Yeah. This is this is the beginning of the Hollywood trans agenda. Yeah, exactly. But, uh, but it was. Yeah. I mean, it's it's a wild story. It's it's a very crazy story.

Cat Alvarado: [00:47:07] That is crazy.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:47:08] Yeah, well. I'm gonna say this because I may forget, but I when my cousin, who I'm still very close to and he's a kid, he was so bad that I had convinced myself that he was possessed, he probably wouldn't have remembered us so bad. Meaning so hyper and. And every now and then, I just look at him and I try to talk to the thing inside of him, not him and I. And I go, I know you're in there, but I don't know, you know, I don't know if that worked or if he just thought I was crazy or what.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:47:32] I probably thought he probably thought you were possessed.

Dwayne Perkins: [00:47:34] Right? Right.

Cat Alvarado: [00:47:35] I'm looking forward to that episode.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:47:37] I'm too. All right, guys, take care.

Cat Alvarado: [00:47:38] Bye.

Koji Steven Sakai: [00:47:39] See you.